HENRY

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 16 영어 대본 /  216. The One Where Joey Moves Out

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
JOEY: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
[Joey finishes his cereal, licks his spoon, and puts it back in the silverware drawer.]
CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
JOEY: What?
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
JOEY: Yeah, so.
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
JOEY: Well, that was only 'cause I used the red one to unclog the drain.
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
JOEY: Hey, why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?
CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
JOEY: Alright, well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
MONICA and PHOEBE: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
PHOEBE: Ooh, look at you fancy lads. What's the occasion?
JOEY: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's havin' a brunch.
PHOEBE: Ahh.
RACHEL: [enters from her room] OK, ready when you are.
PHOEBE: Okey-doke.
MONICA: I can't believe you guys are actually getting tattoos.
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
RACHEL: Yes, but you can not tell Ross 'cause I want to surprise him.
JOEY: Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get?
PHOEBE: Um, I'm getting a lily for my Mom. 'Cause her name's Lily.
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
JOEY: So where you gettin' it?
PHOEBE: I think on my shoulder. [Ross enters]
ROSS: What? What's on your shoulder?
PHOEBE: Um, a chip. A tattoo, I'm getting a tattoo.
ROSS: A tattoo? Why, why would you want to do that? [to Rachel] Hi.
RACHEL: Hi. Well hey, you don't - you don't think they're kind of cool?
ROSS: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. Why's everyone staring at me?
MONICA: Ross, come sign this birthday card for dad. Rich is gonna be here any minute.
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?

MONICA: Well, he's my parents' best friend, he has to be there.
JOEY: Oh, is today the day you're gonna tell them about you two?
MONICA: Yeah. It's my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
PHOEBE: No, I think you should tell them.
MONICA: No, I don't even know how serious he is about me. Until I do, I'm not telling them anything.
ROSS: I don't know, I don't think mom and dad would mind. Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say, 'God I hope they get together.'
[Scene: The Gellers' house. Monica, Ross, and Richard are arriving to Mr. Gellers birthday party.]
ROSS: Alright, shall we?
MONICA: OK, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know what? Ross, let's - let's switch places. You get in the middle. No un-, ya know, unless this looks like we're trying to cover something up.
ROSS: Monica, Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it. [opens door] We're here.
MRS. GELLER: Oh hi kids. Hi darling.
MONICA: Happy birthday dad.
MR. GELLER: Oh thank you.
ROSS: Hi ma.
RICHARD: Happy birthday.
MRS. GELLER: Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
[Scene: The Gellers' kitchen. Monica, Mrs. Geller and one of Mrs. Geller's friends are preparing the cake.]
FRIEND: Well, you kids take the train in?
MRS. GELLER: No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
FRIEND: Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city. [Monica sprays whipped cream all over the place]
MONICA: Finger cramp. Oh God, sorry. Here, let me get that mom.
MRS. GELLER: Sooo, Richard's shopping in the junior section.
MONICA: Are we still on that?
MRS. GELLER: We just know she's got the IQ of a napkin.
FRIEND: She's probably not even very pretty, just young enough so that everything is still pointing up. [Monica folds her arms over her breasts]
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
JOEY: Can you believe this place?
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Hey.
JOEY: Hey! We were just sayin', great apartment man.
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Thanks. You want it?
JOEY: Huh?
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Yeah, I'm movin' to a bigger place. You should definitely take this one.
JOEY: Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings? C'mon I'll show you the kitchen.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's party. Mr. Geller and a friend are questioning Richard while Ross observes.]
MR. GELLER: C'mon, tell us.
FRIEND: Yeah, is she really 20.
RICHARD: I am not telling you guys anything.
MR. GELLER: C'mon Rich, it's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
ROSS: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
MR. GELLER: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
RICHARD: Jack, would you let it go?
MR. GELLER: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got the Porsche. You... you got your own little speedster.
RICHARD: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.
MR. GELLER: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I cou. . .
ROSS: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
MR. GELLER: What? I'm kidding. You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Phoebe and Rachel are deciding on tattoos.]
PHOEBE: OK Rach, which, which lily? This lily or that lily?
RACHEL: Well I. . .
PHOEBE: I like this lily. It's more open, ya know, and that's like my mom. She had a more open, giving spirit. Ooh, Foghorn Leghorn, ooh.
TATTOO ARTIST: Alright, blonde girl, you're in room two, not so blonde girl, you're with me.
PHOEBE: Here we go.
RACHEL: [reluctantly] Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: You're not going?
RACHEL: Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: What? Is it - is this 'cause of what Ross said?
RACHEL: No. Well, yeah, maybe.
PHOEBE: I don't believe this. Is this how this relationship's gonna work? Ross equals boss. I mean, c'mon what is this, 1922?
RACHEL: What's 1922?
PHOEBE: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible. Do you want to get this tattoo?
RACHEL: Yes I do, it's just that Ross is. . .
PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
RACHEL: No.
PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
RACHEL: You?
PHOEBE: No. You are the boss of you. Now you march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip. GO!!
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
RICHARD: How ya doin'?
MONICA: I'm a twinkie.
RICHARD: Really? I'm a hero.
MONICA: Oh, this is so hard.
RICHARD: Yeah, I know. I hate it too. Look, maybe we should just tell them.
MONICA: Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
RICHARD: My parents are dead.
MONICA: God, you are so lucky. I mean, I mean. . . you know what I mean.
RICHARD: I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK, I'll go out first, alright.
MONICA: Alright.
RICHARD: [walks out of the bathroom and runs into Mrs. Geller who is going to the bathroom] Judy, going to the bathroom, good for you.
MRS. GELLER: Thank you Richard, I appreciate the support.
[Monica jumps in the shower. Right after Mrs. Geller enters the bathroom, Mr. Geller peeks his head in.]
MR. GELLER: Honey. Honey, have you seen my Harmon Kilerbrew bat? Bob doesn't believe I have one.
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
MR. GELLER: I know. He's like a new man. It's like a scene from Cocoon.
MRS. GELLER: I just never would have pictured Richard with a bimbo.
MR. GELLER: Apparently, he told Johnny Shapiro that she's quite a girl. In fact, he told Johnny that he thinks he's falling in love with her.
MRS. GELLER: Really.
MR. GELLER: I tell you, I've never seen him this happy.
MRS. GELLER: So Jack, you ever think about trading me in for a younger model?
MR. GELLER: Of course not. With you it's like I've got two 25-year-olds.
MRS. GELLER: [they start kissing] Oh Jack stop.
MR. GELLER: C'mon, it's my birthday.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
JOEY: Can we drop this? I am not interested in the guy's apartment.
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
JOEY: Why would I want another apartment, huh? I've already got an apartment that I love.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
JOEY: Alright, you want the truth? I'm thinkin' about it.
CHANDLER: What?
JOEY: I'm sorry. I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
JOEY: What're you gettin' so bent out of shape for, huh? It's not like we agreed to live together forever. We're not Bert and Ernie.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
JOEY: Well that's how I feel.
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it.
JOEY: Well then maybe I will.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Mr. and Mrs. Geller enter looking particularly refreshed. Monica follows looking rather pale.]
MR. GELLER: Who's drink can I freshen?
MRS. GELLER: Almost time for cake.
ROSS: Mon, Mon, are you OK?
MONICA: You remember that video I found of mom and dad?
ROSS: Yeah.
MONICA: Well, I just caught the live show.
ROSS: Eww.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica and Richard are alone in the kitchen.]
MONICA: Hey there.
RICHARD: What?
MONICA: Nothing, I just heard something nice about you.
RICHARD: Humm, really?
[Mrs. Geller and Ross both enter]
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
RICHARD: Uhh, not that I know of.
MRS. GELLER: Well, I was thinking, why doesn't he give Monica a call?
RICHARD: That - that's an idea.
MONICA: Well, actually, I'm already seeing someone.
MRS. GELLER: Oh?
RICHARD: Oh?
ROSS: Ohh.
MRS. GELLER: She never tells us anything. Ross, did you know Monica's seeing someone?
ROSS: Mom, there are so many people in my life. Some of them are seeing people and some of them aren't. Is that crystal?
MRS. GELLER: So, who's the mystery man?
MONICA: Well, uh, he's a doctor.
MRS. GELLER: A real doctor?
MONICA: No, a doctor of meat. Of course he's a real doctor. And he's handsome, and he's sweet, and know you'd like him. [she puts her arm around Richard]
MRS. GELLER: Well that's wonderful. . . I
MONICA: Mom, it's OK.
RICHARD: It is Judy.
MRS. GELLER: Jack. Could you come in here for a moment? NOW!
MR. GELLER: [enters with his bat] Found it.
ROSS: I'll take that dad. [grabs the bat]
MRS. GELLER: It seems your daughter and Richard are something of an item.
MR. GELLER: That's impossible, he's got a twinkie in the city.
MONICA: Dad, I'm the twinkie.
MR. GELLER: You're the twinkie?
RICHARD: She's not a twinkie.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
MRS. GELLER: Oh please, a relationship.
MONICA: Yes, a relationship. For your information I am crazy about this man.
RICHARD: Really?
MONICA: Yes.
MR. GELLER: Am I supposed to stand here and listen to this on my birthday?
MONICA: Dad, dad this is a good thing for me. Ya know, and you even said yourself, you've never seen Richard happier.
MR. GELLER: When did I say that?
MONICA: Upstairs in the bathroom right before you felt up mom.
[Everyone else enters and all start singing Happy Birthday.]
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Rachel is showing Phoebe her tattoo.]
PHOEBE: Oh that looks so good, oh I love it.
RACHEL: I know, so do I. Oh Phoebe, I'm so glad you made me do this. OK, lemme se yours.
PHOEBE: Ahh. OK, let's see yours again.
RACHEL: Phoebe we just saw mine, let me see yours.
PHOEBE: Oh OK. [pulls over her shirt and shows a bare shoulder] Oh no, oh it's gone, that's so weird, I don't know how-where it went.
RACHEL: You didn't get it?
PHOEBE: No.
RACHEL: Why didn't you get it?
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
RACHEL: Phoebe, how would you do this to me? This was all your idea.
PHOEBE: I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?
RACHEL: Really? You don't say, because mine was licked on by kittens.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: Hey listen, I'm sorry about what happened. . .
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
JOEY: I know. Yeah.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
JOEY: No, we're alright.
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
JOEY: Plastic spoons. Great.
CHANDLER: Lick away my man.
JOEY: These'll go great in my new place. You know, 'till I get real ones.
CHANDLER: What?
JOEY: Well, I can't use these forever. I mean, let's face it, they're no friend to the environment.
CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?
JOEY: I'm movin' out like we talked about.
CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
JOEY: Well, it was a fight. . . based on serious stuff, remember. About how I never lived alone or anything. I just think it would be good for me, ya know, help me to grow or. . . whatever.
CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
JOEY: Hey, are you cool with this. I mean, I don't want to leave you high and dry.
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
JOEY: Woah. Why do you get to keep the table?
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
JOEY: Yeah. And uh, I paid for the other half.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
JOEY: Alright, you're on. I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Which sister?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are setting the table.]
MONICA: So, are you sorry that I told them?
RICHARD: No, it's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
[Rachel and Phoebe enter]
RACHEL: Oh.
MONICA: Oh. Well did you get it? Let me see.
RACHEL: Is Ross here?
MONICA: No he went out to get pizza.
RACHEL: Oh really, OK. [shows Monica her tattoo]
MONICA: That's great.
RICHARD: Very tasteful.
PHOEBE: Wanna see mine, wanna see mine?
MONICA: Yes.
RACHEL: What? You didn't get one.
PHOEBE: OK, well then what is this? [shows her bare shoulder]
RICHARD: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?
PHOEBE: OK, that's my tattoo.
RACHEL: That is not a tattoo, that is a nothing. I finally got her back in the chair, bairly touched her with a needle, she jumped up screaming, and that was it.
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
RACHEL: Oh, what a load of crap. That is a dot. Your mother is up in heaven going, 'Where the hell is my lily, you wuss?' OK, Phoebe, that is not a tattoo, this is a tattoo. [she bends over and bears her tattoo right when Ross returns]
ROSS: You got a tattoo?
RACHEL: Maybe. But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world.
ROSS: Lemme see. [looks]
RACHEL: Well?
ROSS: Well it's really. . . sexy. I wouldn't have thought it would be but. . . wow.
RACHEL: Really?
ROSS: Yeah, so uh, is it sore or can you do stuff?
RACHEL: I guess.
ROSS: Hey, save us some pizza. [they go off to Rachel's room]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
JOEY: Get out of the corner. Pass it, pass it.
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey scores]
JOEY: Yes! And the table is mine.
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. The whole gang is helping Joey pack.]
JOEY: Hey, you guys are still gonna come visit me, right?
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
PHOEBE: I know you're just moving uptown but I'm really gonna miss you.
MONICA: I know, how can you not be accross the hall anymore.
RACHEL: Yeah, who's gonna eat all our food, and tie up our phone lines, and - is that my bra? What the hell you doin' with my bra?
JOEY: Oh no-no, it's uh, it's not what you think. We uh, we used it to, you know, fling water balloons off the roof. Remember that, those junior high kids couldn't even get theirs accross the street.
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
ROSS: Hey, let's bring the rest of these down to the truck.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
JOEY: Naa, you keep it, you need the practice.
CHANDLER: Thanks.
JOEY: So, I guess this is it.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
[Joey walks to the door. He stops, turns around.]

JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house.
JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care.
CHANDLER: Yeah.
[Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.]

CLOSING CREDITS

END

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 15 영어 대본 /  215. The One Where Rachel and Ross... You Know

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler enter with Chandler covering his eyes and Joey leading him.]
JOEY: Alright, no peeking. No peeking, no peeking, no peeking.
CHANDLER: Alright, alright, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]
CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
JOEY: Huh? Days of our Lives picked up my option.
CHANDLER: Congratulations!
JOEY: I know.
CHANDLER: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.
JOEY: Uh-huh.
CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?
JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.
CHANDLER: [sits down] Ohh yes.
JOEY: [sits down] Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.
CHANDLER: [reaches for the footrest lever] Do we dare?
JOEY: We dare.
BOTH: [both extend the footrests] Aaahhhh. [both recline their chairs] AAAAHHHHHH.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
CHANDLER: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.
ROSS: This screen is amazing, I mean Dick Van Dyke is practically life-size.
ALL: Woah!
MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?
[Rachel enters]
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
ALL: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey you.
ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]
CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]
RACHEL: So, uh, how was your day?
ROSS: Oh you know, pretty much the usual, uh, sun shining, birds chirping.
RACHEL: Really? Mine too.
PHOEBE: Hey cool, mine too.
ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.
RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and leaves]
ROSS: Bye guys.
ALL: Bye.
MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]
MONICA: What's tonight?
RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date.
MONICA: Uh, hello.
RACHEL: Hi.
MONICA: Tonight you're supposed to waitress for me, my catering thing, any of those words trigger anything for you?
RACHEL: God, oh God Monica, I forgot. This is our first date.
MONICA: Yes but my mom got me this job.
PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.
RACHEL: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. See Phoebe, Phoebe.
MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Dr. Burke answers the door for Phoebe and Monica.]
PHOEBE: It's James Bond.
MONICA: Sorry we're late.
DR. BURKE: Ah, that's OK, come on in. Um, I'm sorry, is Monica Geller coming? I was told she was.
MONICA: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.
DR. BURKE: Monica? My God you used to be so. . . I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like. . . You look great.
MONICA: Thank you. This is my friend Phoebe. She's gonna be helping me tonight.
DR. BURKE: Hi Phoebe, nice to meet you. [Phoebe just giggles when they shake] So, how ya been?
MONICA: I've been great, just great. How have you been? [tilting her head]
DR. BURKE: Oh, well obviously you know Barbara and I split up, otherwise you wouldn't have done the head tilt.
MONICA: The head tilt?
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'
MONICA: I'm sorry.
DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.
MONICA: [her and Phoebe tilt their heads] Oh, that's too bad.
DR. BURKE: [bobbing his head] I'll survive.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
JOEY: What if we have to pee?
CHANDLER: I'll cancel the sodas.
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are in the kitchen.]
MONICA: You've got to get back out there, it's your party.
DR. BURKE: But they're so dull, they're all opthamologists.
MONICA: You're an opthamologist.
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.
PHOEBE: [entering the kitchen from the party] That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract, I get it, no I get it, you stay out there.
DR. BURKE: See.
MONICA: Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll come get you in 5 minutes with some sort of um, kabob emergency.
DR. BURKE: OK. You better. Oh God, here we go. Hey wanna see 'em go nuts? Watch this. [grabbing some wine glasses and opening the door to the party] Who needs glasses? [everyone laughs]
PHOEBE: You are so smitten.
MONICA: I am not.
PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.
MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.
PHOEBE: So. You two are totally into each other.
MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
PHOEBE: OK, so what, you're just never gonna see him again?
MONICA: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.
PHOEBE: Didn't you like, just get your eyes checked?
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.
RACHEL: I know, I just didn't want to wear my glasses on my first date.
[They start kissing.]
RACHEL: Monica.
ROSS: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sister's name.
RACHEL: Honey, I'm just checking.
ROSS: Oh.
RACHEL: Monica.
ROSS: Mon.
RACHEL: Monica.
ROSS: Mon.
[Since they're alone they start kissing and Ross's hands work their way down until they're on Rachel's butt. Rachel starts laughing.]
ROSS: What, what.
RACHEL: I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry, it's just that when you moved your hands down to my butt, it was like woah, Ross's hands are on my butt. Sorry.
ROSS: And that's, that's funny why?
RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.
ROSS: I, I know it's big, I just didn't know it was uh, ha-ha big.
RACHEL: OK. [start kissing again and Rachel starts lauging again]
ROSS: OK, my hands were no where near your butt.
RACHEL: I know, I know, I know, I know. I was just thinking about when they were there the last time, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. OK, OK, look, woah, I promise, I'm good, I'm not gonna laugh anymore. OK put your hands back there.
ROSS: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too self conscious.

RACHEL: Just one cheek.
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
RACHEL: Alright, just put your hands out and I'll back up into them.
ROSS: That's romantic.
RACHEL: C'mon touch it.
ROSS: No.
RACHEL: Oh, come on squeeze it.
ROSS: No.
RACHEL: Rub it.
ROSS: No.
RACHEL: Oh, come on, would you just grab my ass.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
JOEY: Wow, look at that. The car is on fire, yet somehow it's expensive paint job is protected by the Miracle Wax.
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
[Ross enters]
JOEY: Hi.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: What're you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel?
ROSS: That was 14 hours ago.
CHANDLER: So how'd it go?
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
CHANDLER: Yeah, but uh, it was 1982 and my flock of seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.
JOEY: She laughed at you?
ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint?
CHANDLER: It's the Miracle Wax.
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
[Rachel enters]
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
ROSS: Hey.
RACHEL: Hi. Listen, I was um, thinkin' about. . .
CHANDLER: Listen can you guys uh, speak up, it's harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice.
[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]
RACHEL: OK, listen, I'm sorry about last night and I really want to make it up to you.
ROSS: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it u. . . how?
RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.
ROSS: Humm, that sounds, I don't, perfect.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
RACHEL: What's this.
CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
[Scene: Dr. Burke's office. Monica is there for her eye appointment.]
DR. BURKE: I'm going to look into your eyes now.
MONICA: Really.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . . look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.
MONICA: Good, they feel good, in my head.
DR. BURKE: So, it's great to see ya.
MONICA: You too.
DR. BURKE: You too.
MONICA: OK, um. Goodbye.
DR. BURKE: Drops!
MONICA: What?
DR. BURKE: Drops. Here, they're free.
MONICA: Thanks. So, I guess I better be going.
DR. BURKE: Oh, OK, yeah. I'll see ya later.
MONICA: Thanks again.
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]
PHOEBE: We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
JOEY: No, inside good, outside bad.
PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH.
CHANDLER: She's one of us now.
[Rachel and Ross enter]
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
ROSS: Hey.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey.
ROSS: Well we just wanted to stop by and uh, say goodnight.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.
RACHEL: Alright you guys, I'm takin' off my shirt.
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
[Monica enters carrying food that's been delivered]
MONICA: Stop sending food to our apartment.
ROSS: Well, why're you all dressed up?
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
MONICA: No one.
ROSS: C'mon, what's his name?
MONICA: Nothing.
ROSS: Come on, tell me.
MONICA: Alright, but I'm very excited about this OK, so you gotta promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.
ROSS: Oh, I promise, what.
MONICA: It's Richard Burke.
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
MONICA: Well for your information he happens to be one of the brightest, most sophisticated, sexiest men I've ever been with.
ROSS: Doctor Burke is sexy?
RACHEL and PHOEBE: Oh God, absolutely.
ROSS: [his beeper goes off] It's the museum again, can I, oh.
RACHEL: Ya know, Dr. Burke kissed me once.
MONICA: When?
RACHEL: When I was um, 7, I crashed my bike right out in front of his house and to stop me from crying he kissed me right here. [points to the tip of her nose]
PHOEBE: Oh you are so lucky.
RACHEL: I know.
ROSS: [on the phone] Woah, woah, woah australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No, n, homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect.
CHANDLER: Well maybe he was nervous.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
RACHEL: It's OK, it's fine.
ROSS: KARL!
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are sitting on the couch. He's showing her the pictures in his wallet.]
MONICA: Wow, is that Michelle?
DR. BURKE: Yep.
MONICA: I've not seen her since high school graduation. Oh my God, that night she got so dru. . . motional.
DR. BURKE: Ya know, she's having another baby.
MONICA: I thought she just had one.
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa.
DR. BURKE: Yeah. Are we nuts here?
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
MONICA: Yeah.
DR. BURKE: So.
MONICA: So maybe we should just. . .
DR. BURKE: Yeah, yeah, maybe.
MONICA: Wow, this really sucks.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
MONICA: Well, we don't really have to decide anything right now, do we?
DR. BURKE: No, no, there's no rush or anything.
[knock at the door]
DELIVERY GUY: Pizza delivery.
MONICA: Oh, I'm gonna kill those guys.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
ROSS: Rach.
RACHEL: Oh.
ROSS: I'm done.
RACHEL: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's.
ROSS: Wha, OK, I'm sorry, let's uh, why don't we find someplace else.
RACHEL: No, you know what, it's late, everything's gonna be closed. Why don't we just do it another night?
ROSS: No, no, we won't.
RACHEL: We won't?
ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
RACHEL: OK, that's dead right?
[Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.]
RACHEL: What is this? What are we doing?
ROSS: Shh. Do you want cran-apple or cran-grape?
RACHEL: Grape.
ROSS: [spreads the pelt on the floor] OK, now, sit. OK. [he starts the music system]
RACHEL: Oh, God.
[The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'. Ross gets up and changes it to music.]
ROSS: Sorry.
RACHEL: Ah, so what are we looking at?
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
RACHEL: Really?

ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss]
ROSS: You're not laughing.
RACHEL: This time it's not so funny.
[They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.]
RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK.
ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
RACHEL: Oh, thank God.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.]
ROSS: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you.
ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them]
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.]
[they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off]
JOEY: Is that the fire alarm?
CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time.
JOEY: Cool.

END

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 14 영어 대본 /  214. The One With the Prom Video

NOTE: For this episode, I'm using italics to signify portions contained in the prom video.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?
JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.
CHANDLER: What's this?
JOEY: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
JOEY: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you back for head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't even count. I love ya man.
CHANDLER: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
JOEY: Heh, what d'ya say?
CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet.
JOEY: Isn't it? And it's engraved too, check it out.
CHANDLER: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the case] Thanks best bud.
JOEY: Put it on.
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
CHANDLER: I so am.
JOEY: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life?
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: A kitchen somewhere. Monica is interviewing for a job]
INTERVIEWER: Well, this all looks good.
MONICA: Great.
INTERVIEWER: And if I want to call for a reference on your last job?
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
INTERVIEWER: Alright, lets see if you're as good in person as you are on paper. Make me a salad.
MONICA: A salad? Really I, I could do something a little more complicated if you like.
INTERVIEWER: No, just a salad will be fine.
MONICA: You got it.
INTERVIEWER: Now, I want you to tell me what you're doing while you're doing it.
MONICA: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.
INTERVIEWER: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?
MONICA: Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.
INTERVIEWER: Don't, I like it dirty.
MONICA: That's your call.
INTERVIEWER: So, uh, what are you going to do next?
MONICA: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.
INTERVIEWER: Are they, uh, firm?
MONICA: They'r alright.
INTERVIEWER: You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're not very, very bad?
MONICA: No really, they're OK.
INTERVIEWER: You gonna slice them up real nice?
MONICA: Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne.
INTERVIEWER: Aaaahhhhhhh.
MONICA: I'm outa here. [Monica leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
ROSS: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?
PHOEBE: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.
ROSS: Oh really? What uh, what does he want with her?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
ROSS: [puts the message in the cupboard] I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.
PHOEBE: Hang in there, it's gonna happen.
ROSS: Wha, OK, now how do you know that?
PHOEBE: Because she's your lobster.
CHANDLER: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
PHOEBE: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .
[Monica enters from bathroom after taking a shower]
CHANDLER: Hey, you feelin' better?
MONICA: Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me.
PHOEBE: So, do you have any other possibilities?
MONICA: Oh yeah, well there's the possibility that I won't make rent.
ROSS: Monica, if you want, I can lend you some money.
MONICA: No no no, if I couldn't pay you back right away then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.
ROSS: Oh OK. Well then why don't you, uhh, why don't you borrow it from mom and dad? You feel guilty and tense around them already. You might as well make some money off of them.
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
PHOEBE: What is that sparkly thing?
CHANDLER: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a little flashy.
ROSS: No no, no no, it's not flashy, not for a Goodfella.
MONICA: Man, man that is sharp. It must have cost you quite a few debloons.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica answers the door and lets her parents in. They are carrying boxes.]
MONICA: Hi.
MR. GELLER: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: Hi darling.
MONICA: So, what's this.
MR. GELLER: Some of your old stuff.
MRS. GELLER: Well sweetie, we have a surprise for you. We're turning your room into a gym.
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?
MR. GELLER: Gosh, we talked about that but your brother has so many science trophies and plaques and merit badges, well we didn't want to disturb them.
MONICA: Oh, God forbid.
[Rachel enters with a laundry basket]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, hi Rachel.
RACHEL: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, we were so sorry to hear about your parents splitting up, dear.
RACHEL: Oh, well, you know, they're just separated so, you know, never know, we'll see.
MR. GELLER: Well, I can't say any of us were surprised. Your parents have been unhappy ever since we've known them. Especially after that incident in Hawaii.
RACHEL: What, what incident?
MR. GELLER: Uhh, naa, no no no, I, I must be thinking of someone else, uh, maybe me. Don't you have some folding to do? Go fold dear. Fold. You fold. [shuffles her into her room]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
PHOEBE: Do you want a refill?
CHANDLER: No, I'm alright, thanks.
PHOEBE: OK. Ooh, OK, you gotta give me a second, I wanna get this just right. [she sticks out her gut, clears her throat and sniffs her nose and then in her best male voice. . .] Dude, 11 o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out. That was really good, I think I'm ready for my penis now.
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
GAIL: I'm Gail.
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
GAIL: I, I really have to be somewhere but it was nice meeting you.
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap.
PHOEBE: It's not that bad.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
PHOEBE: Chandler, Chandler.
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
ROSS: Would you look at that guy, I mean how long has he been talking to her. It's like, back off buddy she's a waitress not a geisha.
PHOEBE: I think she's OK.
ROSS: [Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the guy's shoulder] Look at that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he won't budge. Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the middle of their conversation] Excuse me, are you Rachel?
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: I'm Ross Geller. Wha, I'm, God in your add you said you were pretty but wow.
RACHEL: What are you, what are you doin'?
ROSS: Oh, oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't believe it, uh, well, hey, I guess if it works out we'll, we'll have something to tell the grandkids.
MAN: Sure will. I've uh, gotta go. Take care.
ROSS: OK, see ya later, nice meeting you. [man leaves] You're welcome.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: I was saving you.
RACHEL: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant conversation with the interesting man, saving me?
ROSS: Oh, see from where I was sitting I uh. . .
RACHEL: OK, Ross, listen to me, I am not yours to save.
ROSS: But, you are.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: Uh, uh, well you're, umm, you're my lobster.
RACHEL: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind date guy again?
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
PHOEBE: Do the claws again.
ROSS: Rach. OK, forget, forget the lobsters OK. We're, let's talk, what about us?
RACHEL: Ross, there is no us, OK.
ROSS: No, but. . .
RACHEL: No, listen to me. I fell for you and I get clobbered. You then fall for me and I again, somehow, get clobbered. I'm tired of being clobbered, ya know, it's, it's just not worth it.
ROSS: Well, but, but. . .
RACHEL: NO but Ross. We are never gonna happen, OK. Accept that.
ROSS: E-except, except that what?
RACHEL: No, no, ACC-cept that.
ROSS: Oh.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
JOEY: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me?
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
MR. GELLER: You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush. I'm just saying, it's right there.
ROSS: Hey guys.
MRS. GELLER: Hi, darling. Where's my grandson, you didn't bring him?
ROSS: No, he's at uh, Carol's and Susan's today.
MR. GELLER: A woman in my office is a lesiban. I'm just saying.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack look, there's that house paint commercial that cracks you up. [the Gellers return to watching TV and Ross goes over to Monica]
MONICA: Where have you been?
ROSS: Emotional hell. So, did they lend you the money yet?
MONICA: No, but that's probably 'cause I haven't asked them yet.
ROSS: C'mon Monica, do it. Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some news.
MONICA: Um, yeah, so uh, uhh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but umm, I, I'm no longer at my job, I, I had to leave it.
MRS. GELLER: Why?
MONICA: Because they made me.
MRS. GELLER: You were fired? What're you gonna do?
MR. GELLER: Judy, Judy, relax, this is our little harmonica we're talking about. We taught her well. Ten percent of your paycheck, where does it go?
MONICA and ROSS: In the bank.
MR. GELLER: There you go. So she dips into her savings, that's what it's there for. She's gonna be fine, and if you need a little extra, you know where to find it. [pulls a quarter from behind her ear]
MONICA: Anything larger back there?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe enter.]
CHANDLER: I can't believe it.
PHOEBE: Would you stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.
CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
CHANDLER: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: How come you have two?
CHANDLER: Well this one's for you.
JOEY: Get out.
CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
JOEY: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies.
CHANDLER: That's what they'll call us.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Ross are standing in the kitchen. Ross is filling out a check]
ROSS: Here you go, you can pay me back whenever you like.
MONICA: You have dinosaur checks?
ROSS: Yeah, yeah I mean, you get your money and you learn a little something, what's wrong with that?
MONICA: Nothin', nothin', hey you're a cheapasaurus. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, thank you, I'm very greatful.
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She pulls a huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
MONICA: Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from high school. I was uh, a little bigger then.
CHANDLER: Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained.
JOEY: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's on this video tape?
MONICA: Hey, you got me, put it in.
ROSS: [Rachel enters] Oh.
RACHEL: Hi.
ROSS: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
RACHEL: Oh my God.
JOEY: What is with your nose?
RACHEL: They had to reduce it because of, of my deviated septum.
CHANDLER: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover Connecticut.
MONICA: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
RACHEL: Oh.
ROSS: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.
ALL: Oh yeah we do. C'mon.
MRS. GELLER: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up the whole screen]
MR, GELLER: Wait, how do you zoom out? [zooms out and we see an extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich] There she is.
JOEY: Some girl ate Monica.
MONICA: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
CHANDLER: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
MONICA: Oh, you look so great.
RACHEL: Ahh, so do you, beautiful. [they hug]
MONICA: Oops.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Shoot, I think I got mayonaise on you.
RACHEL: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's not my dress.
MR. GELLER: Everybody smile.
MONICA: Oh, dad, turn it off.
MR. GELLER: It is off.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
MR. GELLER: It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache]
JOEY: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter.
ROSS: You look pretty tonight.
RACHEL: Oh, thanks. So, uh, what are you gonna do this summer?
ROSS: Oh, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna hang out, work on my music.
RACHEL: [the shoulders of her dress keep falling off her shoulders] Is my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down, I can't. . .
ROSS: Uh, hold, let me see, I don't know. So what're you gonna do. . . [doorbell rings]
RACHEL: Oh, the guys are here.
ROSS: this summer?
CHANDLER: Work on your music?
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing 'Axel-F']
RACHEL: Oh my God, look there's Roy Gublik.
MONICA: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the paper.
RACHEL: Where's Chip, why isn't he here yet?
ROY: He'll be here OK, take a chill pill. [Chip pins Monica's corsage on, Monica then turns and whispers to Rachel]
MONICA: I just told Rachel that Roy touched my boob.
RACHEL: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late.
MONICA: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
ROY: Oh, I'm gonna kick Chip's ass.
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
ROSS: Doubtful.
MRS. GELLER: Jack, give me that. Talk to your son.
MR. GELLER: Your mother's right. Take her, you can wear my tux.
ROSS: Dad, she won't want to go with me.
MR. GELLER: Of course she would, you're a college man.
ROSS: I don't know.
MR. GELLER: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?
RACHEL: I can't believe I don't get to go to my own prom, this is so harsh.
ROSS: OK. Hold my board.
MR. GELLER: Atta boy. [Ross scrambles upstairs to change]
ROSS: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.
ALL: No, no, no.
ROSS: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.
MR. GELLER: C'mon kid, let's go.
MRS. GELLER: Ahh, are you hadsome.
MR. GELLER: Let's show 'em.
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
MR. GELLER: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining. . . oh no. [Chip has shown up and the four are leaving]
RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?
MR. GELLER: Press the button.
MRS. GELLER: Which one? Which button, Jack.
MR. GELLER: The button, the button.
MONICA: I can't believe you did that.
ROSS: Yeah, well.
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
PHOEBE: See, he's her lobster.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
MRS. GELLER: Dance with him.
MONICA: Mom, I'm hungry.
MRS. GELLER: Dance with your father.
MR. GELLER: I may not know any of your flash dances but I'm no slouch on the dance floor.
MONICA: Alright.
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack.
MR. GELLER: Oh, Judy. Oh, Judy.
BOTH: Oh, ohhhhh.
[Monica is visibly upset]

END

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 12, 13 영어 대본 /  212-213. The One After the Superbowl

[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
[A guy is sitting at his desk and his boss comes in and drops a huge pile of papers on his desk. The guy looks dejected.]
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth...
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: ...With MonkeyShine Beer. [MonkeyShine theme] MonkeyShine Beer, 'cause it's a jungle out there.]
[Camera pans back from the TV to show the gang watching.]
ROSS: That commercial always makes me so sad.
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
ROSS: I meant because the monkey in it reminds me of Marcel.
PHOEBE: I can see that, 'cause they both have those big brown eyes and, ya know, the little pouty chin.
MONICA: And the fact that they're both monkeys.
ROSS: Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, ya know, giving him away.
RACHEL: Oh, Ross, you had to, I mean, he was humping everything in sight. I mean, I have a Malibu Barbi that will no longer be wearing white to her wedding.
ROSS: Remember when sometimes he'd borrow your hat, and, and when you got it back there'd be little monkey raisins in it.
CHANDLER: Yeah, well sure, when he did it, it was funny. When I did it to my boss's hat. . . all of the sudden I have this big attitude problem.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]
[Joey enters holding a letter]
JOEY: Hey, hey, check it out, guess what I got.
CHANDLER: Rhythm?
JOEY: No, my first fan mail.
ALL: Alright!
MONICA: [reading] 'Dear Dr. Remore, know that I love you and would do anything to have you.' Gosh. 'Your not-so-secretive admirer, Erica Ford.' Ooh wait, 'PS enclosed please find 14 of my eyelashes.'
RACHEL: Ya know, in crazy world, that means you're married.
MONICA: This wasn't addressed to Days of Our Lives, this is, this came to your apartment. There's no stamp on it, this woman was in our building.
JOEY: Oh my god, I got my very own stalker.
[Ross enters with a suitcase]
ROSS: Hey guys.
ALL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Ooh, where are you off to, Travelin' Jake?
ROSS: Well, there's this, uh, paleontology conference in L.A. so I figured I'd go and then drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel.
CHANDLER: You know I think he will be surprised, 'till he realizes he's a monkey, and uh, you know, isn't capable of that emotion.
[Rob (Chris Isaac) enters]
RACHEL: Oh, Phoebe, that really cute guy is here again.
PHOEBE: Oh, oh, OK, so everyone, pretend like I'm telling you a story, OK. And, and it's really funny. So everyone just laugh, now.
[Everyone laughs]
PHOEBE: I know, I know. [to Rob] Hello.
ROB: Hi. I'm Rob Dohnen.
PHOEBE: Hi Rob Dohnen.
ROB: I don't know anything about music, but I think you're really, really great.
PHOEBE: Oh, wow.
ROB: Anyway, I schedule performers for the childrens libraries around the city and I was just thinking, have you ever thought about playing your songs for kids?
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are standing around in the kitchen.]
JOEY: Hey, whaddya wanna do for dinner?
CHANDLER: Well we could just stay in and cook for ourselves. [both laugh hysterically]
[door buzzer goes off]
CHANDLER: Hello.
ERICA: It's Erica.
JOEY: Ah, the stalker.
ERICA: Never mind, it's open.
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
JOEY: Let's get out of here.
[They run out and knock on Monica and Rachel's door]
CHANDLER: The one time they're not home.
JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met.
CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.
JOEY: She's comin'.
[Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the door.]
ERICA: It's me.
JOEY: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?
CHANDLER: Wait, wait, wait. [Opens the top of the dish soap he's holding]
[Joey opens the door and sees Erica (Brooke Shields). Joey gets a huge smile and Chandler squeezed the dish soap in the air.]
ERICA: Hi.
JOEY: Erica.
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross is at the Monkey cages.]
LIPSON: Hi, Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. I was told you had a question.
ROSS: Well, I uh, I can't seem to find the monkey I donated last year. He's a capuchan, answers to the name Marcel.
LIPSON: Ahh, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has passed on.
ROSS: Oh my God, what happened?
LIPSON: Well he got sick, and then he got sicker, and then he got a little better but then he died.
ROSS: I can't believe this.
LIPSON: I'm sorry Mr. Geller. But ya know, there's an old saying, 'Sometimes monkeys die.' It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.
ROSS: Well, ya know, someone should have called me.
LIPSON: I'm sorry. Look, I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture.
ROSS: Zoo dollars?
LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
[Phoebe pulls out her guitar]
KIDS: Ooohhh.
PHOEBE: I know.
MONICA: I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What i-, what is she like.
CHANDLER: Well, you remember Cathy Bates in Misery?
RACHEL AND MONICA: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Well, she looks the exact opposite of that.
RACHEL: And she's not crazy?
CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
RACHEL: Oh my God.
MONICA: Ah, and I mean, he's going out with her? He can not persue this.
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
ROB: You OK?
PHOEBE: No, uh-uh, I'm just, I'm nervous. So, you know what, maybe if I just, if I picture them all in their underwear.
ROB: That's not a good idea, that's kinda the reason the last guy got fired.
PHOEBE: I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?
ROSS: I was thinkin' about it.
PHOEBE: OK. [they kiss] OK, alrighty, let's play some tunes. Hi everybody, I'm Phoebe
ALL: Hi Phoebe.
PHOEBE: OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK. [singing]
Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes,
she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike.
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner,
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
but the truth is she died and some day you will too.
La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Joey and Erica are dining.]
ERICA: Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing?
JOEY: Yeah it is. . . what?
ERICA: Well, here we sit, devil may care, just a little while ago you were reattaching someone's spinal cord.
JOEY: Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only showed it for 2 minites.
ERICA: Who's they?
JOEY: No one.
ERICA: Oh Drake, you are so talented, let me see those hands. Oh these hands, these beautiful hands, oh I could just eat them. . . but I won't.
JOEY: Good, otherwise my watch would fall off. [laughs hysterically]
ERICA: No, seriously. These hands. These miracle, magical, life-giving hands. Oh, just to be near them, touch them, maybe even lick one?
JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
[Some guy at another table starts choking]
WAITER: Oh my God! Someone, he's choking. Is anyone here a doctor?
ERICA: Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem, Dr. Drake Remore.
[Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
JANITOR: Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15 minutes.
ROSS: Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?
JANITOR: It's about your monkey. It's alive.
[Scene: Restraunt. Joey and Erica are still there.]
ERICA: I don't understand, why didn't you help that man?
JOEY: Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage. Alright, look, I got to tell you something.
ERICA: No, no no no, you don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Ooh, who am I to question the great Dr. Drake Remore?
JOEY: But that's what...
ERICA: I should just be happy to be near you.
JOEY: Hey I- [she cuts him off with a kiss]
ERICA: Hey what?
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is singing.]
PHOEBE: [singing] There'll be times when you get older
when you'll want to sleep with people
just to make them like you. . .
But don't.
Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, everybody
That's another thing that you don't wanna do.
MONICA: Excellent!
CHANDLER: Very informative!
RACHEL: Not at all inappropriate!
PHOEBE: Thank you for coming everybody. There're cookies in the back.
ROB: That was great, the kids loved you.
PHOEBE: Yay, I rock.
ROB: And you know why? Because you told the truth, and nobody ever tells kids the truth.You were incredible.
PHOEBE: But.
ROB: How did you know there was a but?
PHOEBE: I sense these things. It was either but or butter.
ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.
PHOEBE: I can do that.
ROB: Really?
PHOEBE: Yeah.
ROB: Because that would be fantastic. What? You wanna kiss me?
PHOEBE: Thinkin' about it.
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross and the janitor are in the nocturnal house.]
JANITOR: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.
ROSS: Buddy, my monkey?
JANITOR: Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in, few months back, inside job. Your monkey was taken.
ROSS: Oh my God. But the zoo told me that my monkey was dead.
JANITOR: The zoo! Do you believe everything the zoo tells ya?
ROSS: That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.
JANITOR: Of course they're gonna say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?
ROSS: That guy Lipson?
JANITOR: Lipson knows. Do you have any idea who else knows?
ROSS: No, I, I only know Lipson.
JANITOR: Hmm, Lipson knows huh? Ahh, hello Mr. Opossum, enigma of the trees, upside-down denizen of the night, taunting gravity with...
ROSS: Buddy, my monkey, my monkey.
JANITOR: Word on the street - well, when I say street, I mean those little pretend streets they have here at the zoo.
ROSS: Of course.
JANITOR: Your monkey found a new career, in the entertainment field. That's all I know.
ROSS: This is unbelievable.
JANITOR: So, what is this information worth to you, my friend?
ROSS: Are you trying to get me to bribe you?
JANITOR: Maybe.
ROSS: But you already told me everything.
[Scene: Library. Ross show up with a MonkeyShine Beer poster.]
ROSS: Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine monkey.
RACHEL: Well, so what're you gonna do?
ROSS: Well, I guess I'm gonna call the beer company and try to find out where he is.
CHANDLER: That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales.
PHOEBE: OK, hi again.
ALL: Hi Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Today we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals.
[singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo,
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,
And that's how we get hamburgers.
Nooowww, chickens!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and the guys are watching Days of Our Lives.]
TV DOCTOR: You're the only one who can save her Drake.
JOEY ON TV: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.
ROSS: Well, there goes my whole belief system.
[knock at the door]
ERICA: It's Erica.
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
RACHEL: No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens.
JOEY: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.
RACHEL: Well how can that be, you were just kissing Sabrina?
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
JOEY: Hey Erica, c'mon in.
ERICA: How did you get here so fast, I just saw you in Salem?
JOEY: Right, they uh, they choppered me in. What's up?
ERICA: Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is she here, huh, huh?
JOEY: Who?
ERICA: Sabrina. I know about you two. I saw you today kissing in the doctor's lounge.
JOEY: It's not what you think, that was...
ERICA: You told me I was the only one. [throws a glass of water in his face]
JOEY: Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.
ERICA: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?
JOEY: Somebody wanna help me out here?
RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]
ERICA: How, how can you be here and there.
JOEY: 'Cause it's a television show.
ERICA: Drake, what're you getting at?
JOEY: I'm not Drake.
ROSS: That's right, he's not Drake, he's Hans Remore, Drake's evil twin.
ERICA: Is this true?
RACHEL: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]
MONICA: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]
CHANDLER: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in his face]
ERICA: Is all this true?
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
ERICA: Oh Hans. [They kiss]
ROSS: Hans...Hans...Yo evil twin.
JOEY: Right. Goodbye Erica, good luck in Salem. Take care
ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]
JOEY: OK, alright, the people who threw the water.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Rob are sitting on the couch.]
PHOEBE: Fired! Why?
ROB: The library board has had a lot of complaints from parents about some of the stuff in your songs.
PHOEBE: I can't believe it. Did you tell your board about how kids want to hear the truth?
ROB: No.
PHOEBE: I see.
ROB: Maybe if you just played some regular kiddie songs.
PHOEBE: No. What do you, what do you want me to be, like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?
ROB: I'm not saying you have to be Barney.
PHOEBE: Who's Barney.
[Scene: Central Perk. The whole gang is there.]
ROSS: Well, I tracked down Marcel and get this, he's healthy, he's happy, and he's right here in New York filming Outbreak II - The Virus Takes Manhattan.
RACHEL: You're kidding.
JOEY: This is amazing.
ROSS: I know.
JOEY: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.
PHOEBE: OK, Rachel, I'm ready.
RACHEL: OK.
[little kid enters]
KID: Excuse me. Is this where the singing lady is that tells the truth?
PHOEBE: Um, yeah I guess that's me.
KID: [shouting out the door] She's here.
[a rush of kids enter]
PHOEBE: [singing] Sometimes men love women,
sometimes men love men,
and then there are bisexuals,
though some just say they're kidding themselves.
la la-la-la la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
[Scene: City street. The whole gang is walking up to the movie set.]
ROSS: This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year.
CHANDLER: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?
SECURITY GUARD: C'mon people, back up please, back up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.
ROSS: Uh, excuse me, uh, where can we find the monkey?
SECURITY GUARD: I'm sorry guys, closed set.
ROSS: Uh, I'm sorry, you don't understand, I'm, I'm, I'm a friend of his. We uh, we used to live together.
SECURITY GUARD: Yeah, and I have a time share in the Pocanos with Flipper.
MONICA: Ross, there he is.
ROSS: Hey, hey buddy, Marcel. Marcel. [Marcel doesn't react so Ross starts singing] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [no reaction from Marcel, Monica and Joey urge him on] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [Marcel looks over and everyone joins in] a-weema-way, a-weema-way..... [Marcel runs over and hops up on Ross's shoulder]
[Scene: The next time at the movie set.]
SECURITY GUARD: Uh, excuse me folks this is a uhh...
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey. [guard lets them in]
ROSS: Good morning. Hey pal, look who I brought. It's your old friend Harry Elefante. [Marcel grabs the elephant doll and throws it to the ground]
JOEY: Woah, dude, burn.
ROSS: I don't get it, he seemed so happy to see me yesterday.
TRAINER: Hey don't take it personal, he's under a lot of pressure, ya know, starring in a movie and all.
RACHEL: Now just how big of a star is Marcel?
TRAINER: In human terms, I'd say Cybill Shepard.
ALL: Woah.
CHANDLER: [to guys wering yellow isolation suits] So, are you guys in the movie, or are you just really paranoid.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Hey Sal, Jerry wants to know if the monkey's ready for the subway set?
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: The one in the director's chair.
JOEY: Gotcha. Phoebs, walk with me.
PHOEBE: OK. Um, how come I'm walking with you?
JOEY: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh eating virus, for the love of God woman, listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'?
SUSIE: We've got a problem.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Tell me.
SUSIE: I can't do Chris's makeup. She refuses to acknowledge that she has a moustasche.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Is it bad?
SUSIE: It looks like one of her eyebrows fell down. Now unless someone convinces her to let me bleach it, Jean-Claude Van Damme is gonna be making out with Gabe Kaplan.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I'll talk to her.
SUSIE: I hate actors.
CHANDLER: [to an extra in fatigues] Nice camoflauge man, for a minute there I almost didn't see ya.
SUSIE: Excuse me.
CHANDLER: Ahhhh.
SUSIE: Uh, is your name Chandler?
CHANDLER: Uh, yes, yes it is.
SUSIE: Chandler Bing?
CHANDLER: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?
SUSIE: I'm Susie Moss. Fourth grade, glasses, I used to carry around a box of animal crackers like a purse.
CHANDLER: Susie Moss, right, yeah, wow, you look. . . great job growing up.
SUSIE: It's nice to see you're not still wearing that denim cap with all the little mirrors on it.
CHANDLER: Oh, right, well yeah, I graduated fourth grade and realized I wasn't a pimp.
SUSIE: Remember the class play? You, you pulled up my skirt and the entire auditorium saw my underpants.
CHANDLER: Yes, back then I, uh, used humor as a defense mechanism. Thank God I don't do that anymore.
[cut to Monica and Rachel walking through the set]
MONICA: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
RACHEL: What what what what?
MONICA: Jean-Claude Van Damme. I didn't know he was in this movie, he is so hot.
RACHEL: Ya think?
MONICA: The muscles from Brussels, wham bam Van Damme, did you see Time Cop?
RACHEL: No, was he any good in it?
MONICA: Rachel, he like, totally changed time.
RACHEL: Wow, so why don't you go talk to him?
MONICA: Oh, yeah.
RACHEL: What, so you go over there, you tell him you think he's cute, what's the worst that could happen?
MONICA: He could hear me.
RACHEL: OK, I'm doin' it for ya.
MONICA: Oh Rachel don't, don't you dare, don't, don't. Tell him I cook.
RACHEL: Excuse me. Hi.
VAN DAMME: Hi.
RACHEL: Um, this is gonna sound kinda goofy but uhhm, my friend over there, who cooks by the way, um, she thinks you're cute.
VAN DAMME: You don't think I'm cute?
RACHEL: I, I don't know, um, do you think you're cute? OK, we're kinda gettin' off the track here. Um, I was supposed to come here and tell you my friend thinks you're cute. So what should I tell her?
VAN DAMME: You can tell her I think her friend is cute.
[back to Chandler and Susie]
CHANDLER: No, Stephen Hurs was the kid who would eat anything for money, David Stein was the guy who had no elbows.
SUSIE: OK, well then who was the kid that got caught masturbating?
CHANDLER: OK that's not what he was doing. Alright, he was looking for his bus money.
[a voice in the background calls for makeup]
SUSIE: Oh that's me, I gotta go.
CHANDLER: Oh uh, o, OK.
SUSIE: Um, so listen, how many times am I gonna have to touch you on the arm before you ask me on a date.
CHANDLER: Well, uh, let's try one more. . . there you go, say Ernie's, 8 o'clock.
SUSIE: I'll be there, and who knows, if things go well, maybe this time I'll get to see your underwear.
CHANDLER: No one was around to hear that?
[back to Rachel and Monica]
MONICA: So what'd he say?
RACHEL: Agh, what a jerk. I kept talking about you and he kept asking me out. I mean, naturally, you know, I said no.
MONICA: Well, thanks anyway.
RACHEL: He just kept asking, and asking, and asking, and asking, and asking, and asking.
MONICA: Rachel if you, if you want to go out with him, you can. Sound like a big jerk to me but if that's what you want to do...
RACHEL: Jean-Claude she said yes, I'll see you tonight. Thank you.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and the girls are sitting at the couches.]
RACHEL: And then Jean-Claude took me to that place Crossroads and that's where we hung out with Drew Barrymore.
JOEY: Oh man, she's so smokin, she has got the greatest set of. . . no guys around, huh.
RACHEL: Does anybody need anything?
MONICA: Oh, I'll have an espresso. Oh acutally, I'll get it. If I ask you to, you'll probably end up drinking it yourself.
RACHEL: That is so unfair.
PHOEBE: I know. Oh, like you would drink her coffee after what you did to her with Van Damme.
[Ross enters]
ROSS: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight, that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.
JOEY: You're blowin' me off for a monkey?
ROSS: Hey, we can rescedule for Saturday.
JOEY: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.
[Chandler enters]
CHANDLER: Hey, stick a fork in me, I am done.
PHOEBE: Stick a fork what?
CHANDLER: Like, when you're cooking a steak.
PHOEBE: Oh, OK, I don't eat meat.
CHANDLER: Well then, how do you know when vegetables are done?
PHOEBE: Well you know, you juist, you eat them and you can tell.
CHANDLER: OK, then, eat me, I'm done.
CHANDLER: I've met the perfect woman. OK, we're sitting on her couch, we're fooling around, and then suddenly she turns to me and says, 'Do you ever want to do it in an elevator?'
MONICA: What did you say?
CHANDLER: Ahh, I believe my exact words were, 'Flaign,en - sten'. I mean I didn't know what to say, how do you know if you wanna do it on an elevator?
PHOEBE: Oh, you just know.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Susie are making out on the couch.]
SUSIE: Oh, shoot, we gotta go, got a reservation in 30 minutes.
CHANDLER: Oh no no no no, no no no no no no, you see, what I had planned shouldn't take more that 2, 3 minutes tops.
SUSIE: Oh, 200 seconds of passion. We gotta go.
SUSIE: But um, here's an idea, have you ever worn women's underwear?
CHANDLER: Well, ye, yes, actually, but, uh, they were my Aunt Edna's, and there were three of us in there.
SUSIE: Well I was thinking it would be um, kind of sexy if you wore mine tonight, at dinner.
CHANDLER: You want me to wear your panties?
SUSIE: Could ya?
CHANDLER: Well, if I was wearing your underwear then, uh, what would you be wearing?. . . You're swell.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is setting up for his time with Marcel. Joey is there.]
ROSS: OK, got the music, got the dinner. Oh and check it out, I made Marcel's favorite dish, banannacake.
JOEY: Oooh.
ROSS: With mealworms.
JOEY: Yaaahhh. Ahhh, candles. What'dya thinks gonna happen here tonight?
[phone rings]
ROSS: Hello. Oh hi, are you on your way ove-. Oh. No, no, I, I understand, I mean a monkey's gotta work. No it, it's no big deal, it' not like I uh, had anything special planned. Yeah OK, OK. OK, OK, bye.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are upset with each other. Phoebe is mediating.]
PHOEBE: OK, Rachel, why don't you start talking first.
RACHEL: Alright, I feel that this is totally unjustified. [Monica starts making faces behind her back] She gave me the green light, I did nothing but-. Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?
PHOEBE: Alright Monica, if there is something that you would like to share...
MONICA: Ya know, you had no right to go out with him.
RACHEL: That is the most ridiculous.
MONICA: You sold me out.
RACHEL: I did not sell you out.
MONICA: Yes you did. Absolutely.
RACHEL: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead]
MONICA: Did you just flick me?
RACHEL: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- [Monica flicks her back] Ow. That hurt [flicks Monica]
MONICA: Quit flicking [flicks]
RACHEL: Ow, you stop flicking.
MONICA: You flicked me first.
[They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other. This leads to wrestling on the floor. All the while Phoebe is saying "Happy thoughts". Eventually Phoebe gets fed up.]
PHOEBE: OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass.
[Phoebe grabs each of them by an ear]
MONICA AND RACHEL: Ow. Ow. Ow.
PHOEBE: Alright, now I will let go if you both stop.
RACHEL: Oh, what do you, you want me to stop seeing him, is that what you want?
MONICA: Uh-huh.
RACHEL: You want me to just call him up and tell him that you're seeing him instead? That's what you want?
MONICA: OK.
RACHEL: Oh that's what you want.
MONICA: Yes.
RACHEL: Fine.
MONICA: Fine,
PHOEBE: There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches.
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's Assistant are there.]
ROSS: Thanks for letting me tag along tonight you guys.
JOEY: Forget about it.
SUSIE: How you doin there squirmy?
CHANDLER: I'm hangin in. . . and a little out.
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I have nothing to do with casting.
JOEY: So what're you guys gonna eat?
SUSIE: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
CHANDLER: Because I went to an all boys high school and God is making up for it.
SUSIE: I want you right here, right now.
CHANDLER: Right now, right here. Don't ya think we're in kind of a public plaaaa [Susie grabs him under the table] They do have the shrimp.
SUSIE: Meet me in the bathroom. [she leaves for the bathroom]
CHANDLER: I'm going to the bathroom now. [leaves for the bathroom]
[In the bathroom Susie and Chandler are kissing. She backs into a stall.]
SUSIE: C'mon.
CHANDLER: I can't believe we're doing this.
SUSIE: Alright mister, let's see those panties.
CHANDLER: Alrighty. [we see Chandler's pants drop from under the stall door]
SUSIE: Ooh. Ooh. But ya know what would be even sexier?
CHANDLER: What?
SUSIE: If you didn't have your shirt tucked into them.
CHANDLER: Oh.
SUSIE: Alright. Now I would like to see you wearing nothing but them. Take your clothes off.
CHANDLER: OK, but uh, I hope you realize this means we're gonna miss hearing about the specials.
SUSIE: C'mon hurry, hurry.
CHANDLER: Hey, do you want this done quick, or do you want this done right?
SUSIE: Alright, turn around. Time to see you from behind.
CHANDLER: OK.
[She turns him facing the toilet and sneaks out of the stall and gathers up his clothes.]
SUSIE: Oh, somebody's been doing his buns of steel video.
CHANDLER: Well, you want me to uh, clench anything, or-... Susie? Susie.
SUSIE: This is for the fourth grade.
CHANDLER: Huh? Where, whaddya mean?
SUSIE: Whaddo I mean. Whaddya mean, whaddo I mean? I mean underpants, mister, that's what I mean.
CHANDLER: What, what's what you mean?
SUSIE: My skirt, you lifted, kids laughing. I was Susie Underpants 'till I was 18.
CHANDLER: That was in the fourth grade. How could you still be upset about that?
SUSIE: Well um, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this. [she leaves with his clothes]
CHANDLER: Alright, I hope you realize you're not getting these underpants back.
[Scene: Monica and Van Damme are walking down the street.]
MONICA: I can't believe this, just like 2 weeks ago I was watching Sudden Death, now I'm on a date with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Can you beat up that guy? [he nods] Can you beat up that guy?
VAN DAMME: Sure.
MONICA: This is so wild. Ya know, I gotta admit, I was kinda surprised that you agreed to go on a blind date.
VAN DAMME: Normally, I would not do it.
MONICA: Well, what made you make the exception for me?
VAN DAMME: 'Cause Rachel told me uh, you were dying to have a threesome with me and uh, Drew Barrymore. By the way, Drew has some groundrules and...
[Scene: Back at Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are now fighting about what Rachel told Van Damme.]
MONICA: Say you're sorry.
RACHEL: No. [hitting each other]
MONICA: Say it.
RACHEL: No. [hitting again]
[Monica grabs Rachel by the sweater. Rachel squirms out of it]
MONICA: Rachel, you say you're sorry or your sweater gets it.
RACHEL: OK, OK, that is my favorite sweater, that is my third date sweater.
MONICA: Say you're sorry.
RACHEL: OK, you wanna play? OK, let's play, let's play. [She grabs a jar of tomato sauce and Monica's purse]
MONICA: What're you gonna do?
RACHEL: You give me back my sweater or it's handbag marinara.
MONICA: You don't have the guts.
RACHEL: Oh yeah. Well, at least I wasn't too chicken to tell some guy I thought he was cute.
[Monica pulls a thread on Rachel's sweater and Rachel dumps the tomato sauce in Monica's purse]
PHOEBE: Oh alright, stop, STOP THE MADNESS. This is crazy. Who can even remember why this even started in the first place?
[Monica and Rachel start yelling at the same time]
PHOEBE: Yes that's right. But still, I-, look at your purse, look at your sweater, look at yourselves.
MONICA: I'll help you fix your sweater.
RACHEL: I'll help you throw out your purse.
MONICA: I'm sorry that I made you stop seeing him.
RACHEL: Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him.
MONICA: I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves [pulls Rachel's gloves out of her purse]
[Scene: Back at the restroom at Marcel's. Chandler is still in the stall, Joey comes in to go to the bathroom.]
[Joey starts whistling, Chandler finishes the tune. Joey whistles again.]
CHANDLER: Joey?
JOEY: Ma?
CHANDLER: Joey!
JOEY: Chandler? What're you still doin' here, I though you guys took off.
CHANDLER: Oh, no no no, she took off with my clothes.
JOEY: Are you naked in there?
CHANDLER: Not exactly. . . I'm wearin panties.
JOEY: Huh, you uh, you always wear panties?
CHANDLER: No, no, this is the first time.
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
CHANDLER: I was not trying them out, Susie asked me to wear them.
JOEY: Well, let me see.
CHANDLER: No. I'm not letting you or anybody else see, ever.
JOEY: Alright, alright. [climbs up in the next stall and looks over at Chandler] Woah, someone's flossing.
[Ross enters, sees Joey in the mirror]
ROSS: [to Joey who's looking over a toilet stall] Joey, some people don't like that.
JOEY: Chandler's wearing panties.
ROSS: What? Let me see. [climbs up in the other adjoining stall]
CHANDLER: No, no, you don't have to see.
ROSS: Hi Tushie.
CHANDLER: Alright, one of you give me your underpants.
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
CHANDLER: How can you not be wearing any underwear?
JOEY: Oh, I'm gettin' heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.
CHANDLER: Alright look Ross I'll give you 50 dollars for your underpants.
[Some guy has entered.]
ALL: Hi.
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are sitting.]
CHANDLER: Hey Phoebs, can I have the milk after you?
PHOEBE: I'm almost done with it, keep your panties on.
[Joey enters]
JOEY: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.
ROSS: What happened?
JOEY: One of the virus victims called in sick, so Cathy recommended me and boom, I'm dying on the gurney. Oh Ross, Marcel just finished his last scene if you want to go down there and say goodbye.
ROSS: Ahh, oh that's OK, I mean, he's probably got, you know, parties to go to and stuff. But, ya know, he's moved on. Hey, that, that's the way it goes right.
PHOEBE: [sees Marcel at the window] Oh my God.
ROSS: What?
["Looks Like We Made It" starts playing and we enter a whole sequence of Marcel and Ross having fun in the city.]
[Scene: The movie set. Monica and Rachel are saying goodbye to Jean-Claude]
VAN DAMME: [to Rachel] I'm sorry it didn't work out between you and me, [to Monica] or you and me. Drew was very disappointed.
RACHEL: OK, well, bye. [kisses him]
VAN DAMME: Goodbye.
MONICA: Well, bye for me too. [kisses him]
RACHEL: OK, well, bye-bye again. [kisses him again]
MONICA: OK.
VAN DAMME: Perhaps, uh, the three of us, just could. . .
MONICA AND RACHEL: Oh, no no no no no.
VAN DAMME: Are you sure, I can crush a walnut with my butt.
MONICA AND RACHEL: No no no no.
RACHEL: Impressive.
MONICA: But no. Maybe if I were baking.
MONICA AND RACHEL: Bye-bye.
[Scene: City street. Whole gang is there seeing off Marcel.]
ROSS: Bye Marcel. See ya on the big screen. You keep people drinkin' that beer, OK. I miss you buddy.
[Marcel is driven off in a limo]
PHOEBE: You know, I think I want to write a song about all this.
RACHEL: Oh yeah.
PHOEBE: Yeah. Oh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?
CHANDLER: How long you been waitin' to say that?
PHOEBE: About 20 minutes. CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh. Mommy
DIRECTOR: Cut.
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dead.

END

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 11 영어 대본 /  211. The One With the Lesbian Wedding

[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]

ROSS: Ok. Here's his diaper bag, and his uh, Mr. Winky, and uh...oh, him. Hi!

CAROL: So how did everything go?

ROSS: Oh, great. Great. There was a projectile, uh, throwing up incident, but he started it.

CAROL: Well, we've gotta go.

ROSS: Ok.

SUSAN: [clears her throat]

CAROL: Oh, right. Um, I've got some news. It's about us.

ROSS: Oh, you and me?

CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.

SUSAN: The other us.

ROSS: Ok.

CAROL: We're uh, we're getting married.

ROSS: As in, "I now pronounce you wife and wife" married?

CAROL: Anyway, we'd like you to come, but we totally understand if you don't want to.

ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.

CAROL: Look I just thought that...

ROSS: No no no, I mean, hey, why shouldn't I be happy for you? What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy? I'm revelling baby, believe me!

SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?

ROSS: Mmm hmmm.

CAROL: Want us to go?

ROSS: Uh-huh.

[at Rachel and Monica's]

ROSS: This is so cool. You're actually gonna be on television.

JOEY: It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days of our Lives. And then I started thinkin' about all of u, and how these are the days of our lives..

MONICA: Yes! Carol and Susan's caterer had a mountain bike accident this weekend, and she's in a full body cast.

ROSS, CHANDLER & JOEY: Yes!

MONICA: They want me to do it, which is really cool, seeing as I've never catered before, and I really need the money, and this isn't a problem for you, is it?

ROSS: Would it matter?

MONICA: Oh, you are so great! [kisses him] Thank you!

JOEY: Are you really not going?

ROSS: I am really not going. I don't get it. They already live together, why do they need to get married?

MONICA: They love each other, and they wanna celebrate that love with the people that are close with them.

ROSS: If you wanna call that a reason.

CHANDLER: [singing to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood] Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.

MONICA: Ross, I thought you were over this.

ROSS: Look, that has nothing to do with this, ok? She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.

JOEY: Hey, if she were marrying a guy, she'd be like the worst lesbian ever.

RACHEL: [entering hurriedly] Did I miss it? Did I miss it?

JOEY: No, I'm on right after this guy shoots himself.

CHANDLER: Whoa, she's pretty.

JOEY: Yeah, and she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.

RACHEL: I'm sorry, what?

MONICA: What?

JOEY: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this.

CHANDLER: Oh, ok.

JOEY: There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.

MRS. WALLACE: Is she gonna be all right?

JOEY: I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..subcranial hematoma. Perhaps we can discuss this over coffee.

CHANDLER: Nice!

RACHEL: That's great!

ROSS: Excellent!

CHANDLER: For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something.

[Monica and Rachel's]

ROSS: That is so good! Do it again!

JOEY: All right, all right. "Damnit Braverman, it's right there on the chart!"

CHANDLER: That's great. All right, I gotta get to work, I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect.

ROSS: No no, that's me.

CHANDLER: Oh, yeah.

ROSS: Oh, hello.

PHOEBE: Oh, thanks. I couldn't uh...

ROSS: Is everything ok?

PHOEBE: Um, no, huh-uh. One of my clients died on the massage table today.

ROSS: Oh my god.

CHANDLER: That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.

PHOEBE: Yeah, um, she was 82 years old. Her name was um, Mrs. Adelman.

MONICA: Oh, honey.

PHOEBE: Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she probably woke up today and thought, "ok, I'll have some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Ok, but that's it." Oh, but the weirdest thing was, ok, I was cleansing her aura when she died, and when the spirit left her body, I don't think it went very far.

RACHEL: What do you mean?

PHOEBE: I think it went into me.

[Everyone takes a step back from Phoebe]

[Central Perk]

MONICA: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.

CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.

RACHEL: Ok, who ordered what?

ROSS: Oh, I believe I had the half-drunk cappuccino with the lipstick on the rim.

CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?

RACHEL: Oh god.

JOEY: I can't believe you're so uptight about your mom comin'.

RACHEL: I know, but it's just it's the first time, and I just don't want her to think that because I didn't marry Barry, that my life is total crap, you know?

PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.

JOEY: Uh, Pheebs, how long do you think this lady'll be with us?

PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, she obviously has some kind of unfinished business. [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Sit up!

MRS. GREEN: [entering] There she is.

RACHEL: Mom!

MRS GREEN: Sweetie! So this is where you work? Oh, it's wonderful! Is it a living room? Is it a restaurant? Who can tell? But I guess that's the fun.

RACHEL: Pretty much.

MRS GREEN: Monica! You look gorgeous! Last time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten.

RACHEL: This is Joey, and Phoebe, and this is Chandler, and you remember Ross.

MRS GREEN: Oh hello, Ross.

ROSS: Hi, Mrs. Green. [He gets up to shake her hand, but she ignores him.]

MRS GREEN: So, what do you think of my daughter in the apron with the big job?

RACHEL: Oh Mom!

MRS GREEN: If you didn't pour the coffee, no one would have anything to drink.

CHANDLER: Believe me, sometimes that happens.

MRS GREEN: This is just so exciting. You know, I never worked. I went straight from my father's house to the sorority house to my husband's house. I am just so proud of you.

RACHEL: Really?

MRS GREEN: Yes.

PHOEBE: I know who it is you remind me of. Evelyn Dermer. 'Course, that's before she got the lousy face lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales.

JOEY: Pheebs, who's Evelyn Dermer?

PHOEBE: I don't know. Who's Soupy Sales?

[at Rachel and Monica's

MRS GREEN: Oh my god, there's an unattractive nude man playing the cello.

RACHEL: Yeah, well just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.

MRS GREEN: [laughing] You have some life here, sweetie.

RACHEL: I know. And Mom, I realize you and Daddy were upset when I didn't marry Barry and get the big house in the suburbs with all the security and everything, but this is just so much better for me, you know?

MRS GREEN: I do. You didn't love Barry. And I've never seen you this happy. I look at you and I think, oh, this is what I want.

RACHEL: For...me.

MRS GREEN: Well, not just for you.

RACHEL: Well, what do you mean?

MRS GREEN: I'm uh, considering leaving your father.

MONICA: [entering] All right. Tell me if this is too cute. Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts.

RACHEL: Oh god. I think I'm gonna be sick.

MONICA: Why? It's not like I'm putting little nipples on them.

ROSS: And you had no idea they weren't getting along?

RACHEL: None.

JOEY: They didn't fight a lot?

RACHEL: No! They didn't even talk to each other. God, how was I supposed to know they were having problems?

PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] In my day, divorce was not an option.

JOEY: Hey, look who's up.

RACHEL: I just can't believe this is happening. I mean, when I was little, everybody's parents were getting divorced. I just figured as a grownup I wouldn't have to worry about this.

MONICA: Is there any chance that you can look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing it because she wants to be more like you.

RACHEL: Well, then, you know, couldn't she have just copied my haircut?

CHANDLER: You know, it's funny when my parents got divorced, they sent me to this shrink, and she told me that all kids have a tendency to blame themselves. But in your case it's actually kinda true.

PHOEBE: That's him.

CHANDLER: Damn. My mail order grandfather hasn't come yet.

MR A: Phoebe?

PHOEBE: Yes, hi, Mr. Adelman. Thanks for meeting me.

MR A: Oh, that's all right, although you did cut into my busy day of sitting.

PHOEBE: Um, do you wanna sit?

MR A: Oh, no, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now uh, what can I do for you, my dear?

PHOEBE: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.

MR A: You're saying, my wife is in you?

PHOEBE: Yeah. Ok, you don't have to believe me but um, can you think of any unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she'd be hanging around?

MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.

PHOEBE: Everything?

MR A: Everything.

PHOEBE: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff.

MR A: Oh, wait, I remember, she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.

PHOEBE: I'm sorry, there's laughing in my head.

MR A: [to Joey] Worth a shot, huh?

[Joey nods and shrugs.]

MRS GREEN: Look at this.

RACHEL: These are from Halloween three years ago.

MRS GREEN: Oh, look, here's Barry. Did he have to come straight from the office?

RACHEL: No, that was his costume. See, he's actually an orthodontist, but he came as a regular dentist.

MONICA: Um, you guys, you know when I said before, "thank you, but I don't really need your help"?

RACHEL: Actually, what I think you said was, "don't touch that, and get the hell out of my kitchen."

MONICA: Really? Weird. Anyway, see, I planned everything really well. I planned and I planned and I planned. It just turns out, I don't think I planned enough time to actually do it.

RACHEL: Hey, Mon, you want some help?

MONICA: If you want.

PHOEBE: [enters] Hey. What a day. I took her everywhere. The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty.

RACHEL: She's still with you?

PHOEBE: Yeah. I guess she hasn't seen everything yet. I'll be right back, she has to go to the bathroom again. [Takes Mrs. Green's chin in her hand and says, in Mrs. Adelman's voice] Oh, such a pretty face.

MRS GREEN: This is so much fun, just the girls. You know what we should do? Does anybody have any marijuana?

RACHEL: God!

MONICA: All right, look, nobody's smoking pot around all this food.

MRS GREEN: That's fine. I never did it. I just thought I might. So, what's new in sex?

RACHEL: Oh! What's new in sex?

MRS GREEN: The only man I've ever been with is your father.

MONICA: I'm dicing, I'm dicing, I don't hear anything.

MRS GREEN: I mean, this is no offense to your dad, sweetie, but I was thinking there might be more.

RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry. You know what? I cannot have this conversation with you. I mean, god, you just come in here, and drop this bomb on me, before you even tell Daddy. What? What do you want? Do you want my blessing?

MRS GREEN: No.

RACHEL: You want me to talk you out of it?

MRS GREEN: No.

RACHEL: Then what? What do you want?

MRS GREEN: I guess I just figured of all people you would understand this.

RACHEL: Why on earth would I understand this?

MRS GREEN: You didn't marry your Barry. I did.

RACHEL: Oh.

MONICA: All right people, we're in trouble here. We've only got 12 hours and 36 minutes left. Move, move, move!

CHANDLER: Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles.

MONICA: Joey, speed it up!

JOEY: I'm sorry, it's the pigs. they're reluctant to get in the blankets!

PHOEBE: Monica, how did this happen? I thought you had this all planned out.

MONICA: Do you want me to cry? Is that what you want? Do you wanna see me cry?

PHOEBE: Sir! No sir!

MONICA: [to Ross] All right, you!

ROSS: No. Look, I told you I am not a part of this thing.

MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.

CHANDLER: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing, when he gets to ball the melon.

[knock at the door]

MONICA: Hi.

CAROL: How's it going?

MONICA: It's goin' great. Right on schedule. Got my little happy helpers.[everyone groans]

CAROL: Fine, whatever.

ROSS: What's the matter?

CAROL: Nothing. Ok, everything. I think we're calling off the wedding.

ROSS: What?

MONICA: You're still gonna pay me, right? Or something a little less selfish.

ROSS: Carol, what's the matter? What happened?

CAROL: My parents called this afternoon to say they weren't coming.

ROSS: Oh my god.

CAROL: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away and everything.

ROSS: It's ok. I'm sorry.

CAROL: And then Susan and I got in this big fight because I said maybe we should call off the wedding, and she said we weren't doing it for them, we were doing it for us, and if I couldn't see that, then maybe we should call off the wedding. I don't know what to do.

ROSS: I uh can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think Susan's right.

CAROL: You do?

ROSS: Look, do you love her? And you don't have to be too emphatic about this.

CAROL: Of course I do.

ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.

CAROL: You're right. Of course you're right.

MONICA: So we're back on?

CAROL: We're back on.

MONICA: You heard the woman. Peel, chop, devil! I can't believe I lost 2 minutes.

[at the wedding]

JOEY: It just seems so futile, you know ? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.

CHANDLER: Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.

[Wedding music starts, Phoebe noisily unwraps a piece of candy.]

PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Butterscotch? No one? All right, you'll be sorry later.

[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]

CAROL: Thank you.

ROSS: Any time. [He doesn't want to let her go]

CAROL: Ross. [He lets her go]

MINISTER: You know, nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.

PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Oh my god. Now I've seen everything! [Phoebe's voice] Whoa, she's gone. She's gone. She's gone! Go ahead, get married. Go, go.

[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]

MONICA: Would you look at them?

ROSS: Yeah, can't help but.

JOEY: [to a wedding guest] How's that pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you? [the guy nods] I wrapped those bad boys.

PHOEBE: I miss Rose.

CHANDLER: Oh, yeah?

PHOEBE: I know it's kind of weird, but I mean, she was a big part of my life there, you know, and now I just feel kind of alone.

WOMAN: You know, I uh, I couldn't help but overhear what you just said, and I think it's time for you to forget about Rose, move on with your life...how 'bout we go get you a drink?

PHOEBE: Ok, that's so nice.

[Chandler tries to warn Phoebe that the woman is coming on to her, but Phoebe doesn't see him.]

CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman walks away]

RACHEL: Hey, Mom? Having fun?

MRS GREEN: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have options.

RACHEL: There's more alcohol, right?

[Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]

SUSAN: How you doin'?

ROSS: Ok.

SUSAN: You did a good thing today.

ROSS: Yeah.

SUSAN: You wanna dance?

ROSS: No, that's fine.

SUSAN: Come on. I'll let you lead.

ROSS: Ok.

[They dance; Carol looks on lovingly.]

CHANDLER: [to the woman who just rejected him] All right look. Penis schmenis. We're all people. [She walks away again.]

[at Monica and Rachel's]

MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?

ROSS: Well, Mon, I was married.

PHOEBE: Yeah, me, too, technically.

RACHEL: I had a wedding.

MONICA: All right, just trying to start an interesting discussion.

JOEY: I got one. Which one of us do you think will be the last to get married? [They all look at Chandler]

CHANDLER: Isn't Ben in this?

ALL: Oh, yeah!

END

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 10 영어 대본 /  210. The One With Russ

[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]

RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.

JOEY: I'm excited! I've never gotten reviewed before.

MNCA: You were so amazing as the king. I was really impressed, I was.

PHOE: Although, you know what? You might want to consider wearing underwear next time. Yeah, cause when you sat down on your throne you could kind of see your... royal subject.

JOEY: Here it is, here it is. [reading from newspaper] The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction was Joseph Tribbiani's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the king.

CHAN: OK, look, that is one guy's opinion, alright. Phoebs, read yours.

PHOE: OK. [reading] The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction...

CHAN: Does anyone have one from a different paper? Ross, read yours.

ROSS: I don't want to.

RACH: Joey, honey, they don't know what they're talking about.

ROSS: Yeah.

JOEY: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.

ROSS: Oh c'mon. Maybe you're just, uhhh... paying your dues.

JOEY: No, no, no, it.. it's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.

MNCA: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. Wait a minute. I believe this will change your mind. [Reads from paper] In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiana was able to achieve brilliant new levels of... continued on page 153...[turns it] sucking.

Credits

[Scene: Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica comforting Joey at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]

JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.

[Ross enters, depressed.]

ROSS: [sullenly] Hiiiiii.

PHOE: Are... are you OK?

ROSS: Yeah, yeah, just a tough day at work. A stegosaurus fell over and trapped a kid. Whoa, whoa, I know this jacket, this is, th--Fun Bobby's jacket! Where is he, what. He, he's here, isn't he?

MNCA: Maybe.

ROSS: Don't toy with me.

[Fun Bobby (FBOB) enters from Monica's bedroom.]

FBOB: Geller!

ROSS: Hey, Fun Bobby!

FBOB: Hey. Whoa, hey, you've been working out, huh?

ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!

MNCA: You and me both.

FBOB: Hey, so what'd I miss, what'd I miss, c'mon?

PHOE: Oh, we were just trying to make Joey feel better.

FBOB: Hey, do you need me to pick you up?

JOEY: No, I'm alright man. Really.

FBOB: No, I'm picking you up.

JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off the ground, bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works.

FBOB: OK, now before I go, does anybody else need to be picked up? [everyone raises their hands] I'm still gonna go.

MNCA: OK, I'll see you later babe.

FBOB: Uh, public display of affection coming up. You can avert your eyes. [kisses Monica]

[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns their heads away from Monica.]

FBOB: See ya. [exits]

ALL: Bye! See you later!

PHOE: Fun Bobby is so great.

MNCA: Oh, isn't he? Oh, you know, I really think this time it may work with him. I mean, he just makes me feel so good and I've been feeling so lousy this last couple of months, no job, no boyfriend. Well, at least my cup is half full.

PHOE: Half full of looooovvvvve.

MNCA: And for our two-week anniversary, he's gonna take me to his cousin's cabin for the weekend.

PHOE: Cabin of loooooovvvvve.

RACH: We went through a lot of wine tonight, you guys. [walks over to table, holding five empty wine bottles]

MNCA: Really? I only had two glasses.

JOEY: I just had a glass.

PHOE: Two.

RACH: I had one glass.

CHAN: I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug.

RACH: OK, so that's... that's what, two bottles? And yet somehow we went through five?

[All look towards door Fun Bobby left through.]

ROSS: Oooooh.

JOEY: [realizing what everyone else did a minute ago] Ooooooh.

MNCA: So what. So he drank a lot tonight.

ROSS: Yeah but, you know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun Bobby without a... a drink in his hand.

PHOE: Yeah. Oh, OOOH, yeah, you know, did you notice how he always starts his stories with, um, OK, 'I was soooo wasted,' or, 'Oh, we were soooo bombed,' or, ummm, ooh, ooh, 'So I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut.'

JOEY: Monica, have you ever been with him when he wasn't drinking?

MNCA: Well, we just happen to go to alot of places where you might drink. I mean, how do you go to a wine tasting without having a drink? Or... or to a club, or to the... zoo.

[Scene: Monica, Fun Bobby, and Phoebe sitting in Central Perk Rachel is serving them. She brings a mug to Monica.]

MNCA: Rach, does this have nonfat milk?

RACH: Ehhhummmm, I don't know, why don't you taste it.

MNCA: [takes a sip] Mmmm, no.

RACH: Oh well, too late, sorry, you already had some.

FBOB: [pulls out a flask] Whattaya say we make these, uh, coffees Irish?

[Phoebe and Rachel look uncomfortable.]

PHOE: Um, cake.

RACH: Yeah, we're gonna... we're gonna get some cake. [Phoebe and Rachel go to counter.]

MNCA: You know what? It seems like you've been making an awful lot of stuff Irish lately.

FBOB: Well, I would make them Belgian, but the waffles are hard to get into that flask.

MNCA: Bobby.

FBOB: Yeah, OK.

MNCA: Look, maybe this is none of my business, or maybe it is, I don't know... but, uh, I'm kind of worried about you.

FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'

MNCA: So, what are you saying now?

FBOB: I guess I'm saying, I'll try and quit. I kinda like that you worry about me. [they hug]

PHOE: [comes back to couch, with cake] Sooo, what's goin' on, huh?

FBOB: I am gonna try and quit drinking.

PHOE: [sad] Ooohh, why?

[Chandler and Joey enter.]

CHAN: Hey.

JOEY: Hey.

MNCA: Hey.

PHOE: Hey.

CHAN: Guess who's back in show business.

PHOE: Ohh, ohh, Lorne Green?

CHAN: No, no, Phoebs. You know why? Cause he's dead.

PHOE: Oh, no.

CHAN: OK, I guess this is gonna seem kinda bittersweet now, but... Joey, that's who.

JOEY: Yeah, my agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!

PHOE: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.

CHAN: Hey, yeah... we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.

PHOE: Hey Rach, what time do you get off? We're all gonna do something tonight.

RACH: Ummmm.... well, actually I'm already done, but I...I kinda got plans.

MNCA: [gasps] You have other friends?

RACH: Yeah... I, uhh... I have a... I have a date.

MNCA: What?

JOEY: With a man?

RACH: What? What is so strange about me having a date?

JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about you?

RACH: Noooo, no, I'm not mad at him. I'm.. I'm not really anything at him anymore.

MNCA: What are you talking about?

RACH: I don't know. Whatever I was feeling, I'm... not.

PHOE: But you guys came so close.

RACH: Oh, I know, I'm sorry you guys. You're just gonna have to get used to the fact that I will not be dating Ross.

[Russ enters Central Perk. He looks like Ross, except for his chin and hair (it is David Schwimmer in a dual role).]

RACH: Here he is. Hi. Guys, this is Russ.

RUSS: [sounding like Ross] Hhhhiiiii.

[Everyone looks at each other in amazement.]

[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Estelle (ESTL) is speaking on the phone.]

ESTL: Stop saying you're not talented, you're very talented. It's just with the bird dead and all, there's very little act left. Oh, honey, give me a break, will ya? [a knock on the door] Oooh, ooh, I'll talk to you later.

[Joey enters.]

ESTL: Well, there's my favorite client. So tell me darling, how was the audition?

JOEY: Well, I think it went pretty well. I.. I got a callback for Thursday.

ESTL: Joey, have you ever seen me ecstatic?

JOEY: No.

ESTL: Well, here it is. [She almost smiles.]

JOEY: OK, uh.... listen, there's something I want to talk to you about. The network casting lady...

ESTL: Oh, isn't Lori a doll?

JOEY: Oh yeah, yeah, she's great, but... I kinda got the feeling that she was sort of... coming on to me. And I definitely would get the part if I would've... you know... if I would have sent the Little General in.

ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]

RACH: What's the matter?

MNCA: It's Fun Bobby.

RACH: What, isn't he sober?

MNCA: Oh, he's sober alright. Just turns out that Fun Bobby was fun for a reason.

RACH: Ohhh, OK.

[Monica returns to couch next to Fun Bobby.]

MNCA: Alright, here you go, sweetie. [hands Fun Bobby his coffee]

FBOB: Thanks. You wanna hear something funny?

MNCA: Oh God, yes!

FBOB: There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.

PHOE: That is funny.

FBOB: I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and I'm out walkin' around the neighborhood but apparently there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.

MNCA: Ahhh, hey honey? Don't you have to be at your interview now?

FBOB: Oh yeah. See you guys. [leaves]

CHAN: Bye..... ridiculously dull Bobby.

MNCA: Oh.... my... God.

PHOE: It's not that bad.

MNCA: Not that bad? Did you hear the hammer story?

PHOE: OK, OK, don't get all squinky.

RACH: Maybe it was just the kind of story where you have to be there.

MNCA: But I'm gonna be there... for the rest of my life. I mean, I can't break up with him. I'm the one who made him quit drinking. He's dull because of me.

PHOE: Alright, don't say that. He's probably always been dull. You just, you know, set it free.

[Russ enters, walking in behind Chandler.]

RUSS: Hi.

CHAN: [turning around] Hey Ross.... bahhhh!

RACH: Hi Russ, I've just got two more tables to clean and then we'll go, OK?

RUSS: OK, I'll just sit here and... uh... chat with your, uh.... friend-type....people.

[Phoebe walks up to Rachel, cleaning tables.]

PHOE: Rachel? Um, hi.

RACH: Hi.

PHOE: OK, so, you know what you're doing, right?

RACH: Uhh.... waitressing?

PHOE: Well, yeah, but... no. I mean, umm... doesn't.... doesn't Russ just remind you of someone?

RACH: [looks at him] Huh, Bob Saget?

PHOE: [looks at Russ] Oh, yeah! No, no, no, no, oh, oh.

[Phoebe turns back around but Rachel is gone. Ross enters.]

PHOE: Oh, my, oh!

ROSS: What? What's wrong?

PHOE: I, OK....

MNCA: She's just upset because she, uh, she buttered a spider into her toast this morning.

ROSS: Alright.

CHAN: [to Phoebe] Listen, Phoebs, this is gonna be OK. [introducing Russ and Ross] Ross, Russ. Russ, Ross.

RUSS: Hi.

ROSS: Hi.

RUSS: Are you a, uh, friend of Rachel's?

ROSS: Yes, yes I am. Are you a, uh, a friend of Rachel's?

RUSS: Actually, I'm a... kind of a.... you know, a... date-type... thing... of Rachel's.

ROSS: A date.

RUSS: Yeah, I'm her date.

ROSS: Oh, oh, you're... uh... you're, oh you're the date.

CHAN: You know, this is actually good, because if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare.

RUSS: Oh, you are the, uh... paleontologist.

ROSS: Yes, yes I am. And you are a....

RUSS: Periodontist.

MNCA: See? They're as different as night and... later that night.

ROSS: Well, I am going to, uh... get a beverage. It was nice, nice... uh... meeting you.

RUSS: Ditto.

[ROss approaches Rachel at counter.]

ROSS: I, uh, well... I... I met Russ.

RACH: Oh.

ROSS: Hey, I didn't know we were, uh, seeing other people.

RACH: Well, we're not seeing each other, so....

ROSS: Well, uh, for your information, there's a woman at the museum, who's curator of moths and other... uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that she is drawn to me much like a... well, you know. But so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if this is the deal...

RACH: Well, yeah, this is the deal.

ROSS: OK, well, um, have a nice evening.

RACH: Um, Russ, you ready?

RUSS: Yeah.

RACH: Bye.

MNCA: Bye.

PHOE: Bye.

[Russ and Rachel leave together.]

ROSS: [upset] She's dating. She's dating.

CHAN: Yes, yes, but did you see who she was dating?

ROSS: What do you mean?

MNCA: Do you not see it?

ROSS: See what? I don't know what she sees in... innn that goober. And it takes him, what? Like... like... I don't know, uhh... uhhh, hello.... a... week, to get out a sentence.

CHAN: Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?

ROSS: ....................Yeah.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is making marinara sauce and filling every container in sight. Chandler enters.]

CHAN: Hey.

JOEY: Hey.

CHAN: Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part, or... uh, Italy called and said it was hungry.

JOEY: Well, the part's mine if I want it.

CHAN: Oh my God!

JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.

CHAN: [not knowing how to react] Oh my... God?

JOEY: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. That's actually on television.

CHAN: So, what're you gonna do?

JOEY: Well, I guess I could sleep with her... I mean, how could I do that?

CHAN: Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know.

JOEY: I've never slept with someone for a part.

CHAN: Well is she... [reaches into the cookie jar for a cookie, takes his hand out, covered with pasta sauce]

JOEY: Sorry.

CHAN: It's alright. Is she good-looking?

JOEY: Yeah, she's totally good looking. I mean, if I met her in a bar, or something, I'd be buying her breakfast. [pause] You know, after having slept with her.

CHAN: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas.

JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.

CHAN: Didn't you used to call it the Little Major?

JOEY: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.

[Scene: A restaurant. Fun Bobby and Monica are ordering.]

WAITER: Can I get you something from the bar?

MNCA: Yes, I would like something. [looks at Fun Bobby, changes her mind] No, no thank you.

FBOB: If... if you want to drink, it's OK with me, I've got to get used to it.

MNCA: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about it. [to waiter] Just some water.

FBOB: So the light went out in my refrigerator...

MNCA: [grabs waiter as he's leaving] I'd like a scotch on the rocks with a twist.

[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch between Russ and Ross, doing a crossword puzzle.]

CHAN: Hey, we're having some fun now, huh, Ross? Wanna do another one, huh Russ? OK... eleven letters, atomic element number 101... ends in ium.

RUSS: Dysprosium.

ROSS: [condescendingly] Dysprosium? Try mendelevium.

CHAN: And weenie number two has it. Unless, of course, nine-down, Knights in White Satin was sung by the Doody Blues.

[Phoebe and Rachel are at the counter talking.]

PHOE: You don't see it? You actually don't see it?

RACH: What?

PHOE: OK honey, you're dating Ross.

RACH: No, Phoebs. I'm dating Russ.

PHOE: Russ is Ross. Russ... Ross!

RACH: Steve... sleeve!

PHOE: OK, noone is named Sleeve.

RACH: Phoebe, what the hell are you talking about? Other than their names being similar, I'm sorry, I do not see what you're seeing.

[They look over at Russ and Ross.]

ROSS: [to Russ] For your information, it's a card sharp, not a card shark.

RUSS: You could not be more wrong. You could try... but you would not be successful.

CHAN: OK, I'm gonna get some more coffee before the pinching and eye-poking begins.

RUSS: I know what your problem is.

ROSS: Oh you do, do you?

RUSS: Um-hum, you're jealous.

ROSS: Of... of what?

RUSS: You're jealous because I'm a real doctor.

ROSS: Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in. It's like day one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma.

RUSS: Hey, you listen.

ROSS: No, no, let me finish.

RUSS: No, let me finish.

ROSS: No, you let me fini...

[Rachel walks up behind them.]

ROSS: Hi.

RUSS: Hi.

RACH: Ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww! [turns away]

[Scene: Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]

RACH: Did Joey say what he was gonna go when he left?

CHAN: No, I don't even think he knew. Hey, would you sleep with somebody to get a great job?

RACH: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with?

CHAN: Me.

RACH: Why would I have to sleep with you?

CHAN: It's my game. You want the job or not?

[Monica enters from her bedroom.]

CHAN: Hey.

MNCA: Morning.

ROSS: Where ya goin'?

MNCA: Bobby and I are going away for the weekend, remember?

ROSS: Ooooohhhh.

[Monica pulls out a bag full of airline bottles of liquor.]

PHOE: What's with all the bottles of liquor?

ROSS: What's going on, is... uh, Bobby drinking again?

MNCA: Oh no no, this is not for him, this is for me. That way he's still sober but I find his stories about shoelaces much more amusing.

[Three slow knocks on the door.]

RACH: Oh God, even his knock is boring.

[Monica answers the door. Its Fun Bobby.]

MNCA: Hi. I'll be ready in just a second.

FBOB: Uh, can I talk to you a minute?

MNCA: Sure.

[They both step out into the hall.]

FBOB: This is really hard for me to say.

MNCA: Oh God, you fell off the wagon.

FBOB: Oh, no, no, it's about you.

MNCA: What about me?

FBOB: I think you may have a drinking problem.

MNCA: What these? [holding up liquor bottles] Oh, these are, um, for.. cuts and scrapes.

FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now, OK?

MNCA: Oh... shoot.

FBOB: Well, anyway, I hope we can be friends.

MNCA: OK.

[They hug and kiss.]

MNCA: Take care.

FBOB: You too.

[Fun Bobby leaves and Monica goes back inside.]

RACH: What happened?

MNCA: Well we... we kinda broke up.

GANG: Awwwwwwww.

[Ross, Phoebe, Chandler, and Rachel all exchange money.]

MNCA: [holding bottles] Does anybody want these?

CHAN: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.

[Joey enters.]

JOEY: Hey.

GANG: Hey!

ROSS: How'd the callback go?

JOEY: It was unbelievable! I walked in there and she was all over me.

CHAN: So what'd you do?

JOEY: Well, I couldn't do it. I told her I didn't want to get the part that way.

ROSS: Good for you.

JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part.

PHOE: So... and?

JOEY: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!

GANG: Allright!

JOEY: Alright... I've got to go shower. [leaves]

[Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, Chandler exchange money again.]

Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Russ enters. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]

RUSS: Hi.

CHAN: Oh, hey.

PHOE: Hi.

RUSS: I guess you guys heard, Rachel dumped me.

CHAN: Yeah, I'm sorry man.

RUSS: Oh, all she said was that I remind her too much of somebody. You have any idea who she's talking about?

[Chandler and Phoebe feign ignorance.]

PHOE: Oh I do, it's.... it's Bob Saget. She hates him.

RUSS: Oh.

[Julie... Ross's ex-girlfriend... enters.]

JULIE: Hey.

CHAN: Hey!

PHOE: Hey, Julie! Hey, how are you doing?

JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....

[Russ and Julie look at each other with love in their eyes. The music builds...]

END

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 9 영어 대본 /  209. The One With Phoebe's Dad

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.
[Chandler and Joey enter.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey.
JOEY: Hey, how much did you guys tip the super this year?
CHANDLER: Yeah, we were gonna give fifty, but if you guys gave more, we don't wanna look bad.
MONICA: Oh, actually this year we just made him homemade cookies.
CHANDLER: And twenty-five it is.
JOEY: You gave him cookies?
MONICA: Money is so impersonal. Cookies says someone really cares. . . Alright, we're broke, but cookies do say that.
PHOEBE: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.
CHANDLER: Phoebs, let me ask you something, were, were these, uh, funny brownies?
PHOEBE: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them.
ROSS: So you guys, who else did you tip with cookies?
RACHEL: Uhh, the mailman, the super.
[There's a bang at the door.]
MONICA: Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.
[Joey opens the door and picks up the remnants of the newspaper.
JOEY: Oh my God.
RACHEL: What?
JOEY: Uhhh, I don't think you're gonna like this.
[Joey shows them the torn-up newspaper.]
RACHEL: Ooh, goooosh, ooh, these are cookies smashed in the sports section.
MONICA: Oh look, and he did my crossword puzzle.
ROSS: Yeah, but not very well, unless 14-across, 'Gershwin musical' actually is bitemebitemebitemebiteme.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are seated at couches. Rachel is working behind the counter.]
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
CHANDLER: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.
[Ross enters with several bags from shopping.]
ROSS: Hey guys.
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
[Ross approaches Rachel at counter.]
ROSS: Hey Rach. I, uh, got you a little present. [Rachel is not impressed]. . I'll open it. It's a Slinky! Remember, huh. [sings] Walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, everyone knows it's. . . just a big spring. Alright, you still mad at me becuase of the whole. . .
RACHEL: Horrible and degrading list of reasons not to be with me?
ROSS: How 'bout from now on we just call it the 'unfortunate incident'? [Rachel walks off] Hey Gunther, you got stairs in your place?
GUNTHER: Yeah.
ROSS: Here, go nuts. [gives him the Slinky and goes and sits with others at the couches]
ROSS: Hey guys.
CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: What's in the bag?
ROSS: Um, just some presents.
JOEY: C'mon show us what you bought. . . You know you want to.
ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.
MONICA: Cute.
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
[Ross holds up the blouse. It is extremely tacky, with sewn-on medals hanging off of it.]
MONICA: Ross, that is gorgeous!
ROSS: Yeah?
MONICA: Look at these authentic fake medals. I tell ya, mom's gonna be voted best dressed at the make-believe military academy.
[Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey.
GANG: Hey. Hi Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Happy Christmas Eve Eve. [sees Ross's picture frame] Oh my God, where did you get this?
ROSS: Uh, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.
PHOEBE: This is my father, this is a picture of my dad.
CHANDLER: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.
PHOEBE: No it isn't, this is my dad, alright, I'll show you.
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
PHOEBE: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.
RACHEL: How have you never been on Oprah?
PHOEBE: [showing her pictures] OK, look, see, this is him. My mother gave me this picture before she died, same guy.
MONICA: Honey, uh, this is a picture of the frame guy posing in front of a bright blue screen with a collie.
PHOEBE: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe it was just really clear that day. OK, I have to talk to my grandmother. [turns to leave]
MONICA: Oh, wait a minute honey.
GANG: Phoebs. [Phoebe leaves]
MONICA: Wow.
JOEY: So anyway, I'm trying to get my boss's ex-wife to sleep with me. . .
GANG: Joey!
JOEY: Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears!
[Scene: Phoebe's grandmother's place. Phoebe's grandmother is sitting at the table, reading the obituaries, and crossing out names in the phonebook.]
GRANDMOTHER: Esther Livingston. [scratches out name] Gone.
[Phoebe enters.]
GRANDMOTHER: Hi, Phoe.
PHOEBE: Hi Gram. Whatcha doin'?
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, just updating the phonebook.
PHOEBE: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad again?
GRANDMOTHER: [nervously] Oh. Oh, sure, sure, uh, uh, how come?
PHOEBE: Just, you know, to see... um.
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the pictures] This is the one of you father in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation.
PHOEBE: OK, is this really my father?
GRANDMOTHER: Is it really your fa--I can't... well of course it is.
PHOEBE: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire.
GRANDMOTHER: Look, I. . .
PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.
GRANDMOTHER: Alright, that is not your father, that's just a picture of a guy in a frame.
PHOEBE: Oh God.
GRANDMOTHER: It was your mother's idea. Ya know, she didn't want you to know your real father because it hurt her so much when he left, and, I didn't want to go along with it, but, well then she died and, and it was harder to argue with her. Not impossible, but harder.
PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
GRANDMOTHER: Last I heard, he was a pharmacist somewhere upstate.
PHOEBE: OK, that makes no sense. Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist?
GRANDMOTHER: Honey.
PHOEBE: [realizes] Oh.
GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.
PHOEBE: Oh.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]
CHANDLER: Ya know I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent leather belt, sneakin around downstairs. He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.
RACHEL: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
CHANDLER: Who said anything about Christmas?
[Monica and Ross enter.]
MONICA: Hi.
ROSS: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?
RACHEL: No, nothin'.
MONICA: I hope she's OK.
JOEY: Yeah, I know exactly what she's goin' through.
MONICA: How do you know exactly what she's going through?
JOEY: She told us.
CHANDLER: So whaddya got there Monica?
MONICA: Just some stuff for the party.
ROSS: Yeah, what're you guys doin' here, aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?
MONICA: You guys haven't gotten your presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what're ya gonna do?
CHANDLER: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?
RACHEL: Oh, by the way Mon, I don't think the mailman liked your cookies. Here are the ornaments your mom sent. [hands her a smashed box]
MONICA: Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we just didn't give him enough.
JOEY: Monica, pigeons learn faster that you.
[Ross approaches Rachel, away from everyone else.]

ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you make a list about me.
RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . .
ROSS: C'mon Rachel.
RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair.
ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said.
RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross. [she walks off and Ross puts his hand to his hair]
[Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone]
PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself information. [hangs up]
[Phoebe's grandmother enters]
GRANDMOTHER: Hey.
PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name.
GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going?
PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math.
GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin.
PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know.
GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived.
PHOEBE: Whattaya mean?
GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab.
PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you.
GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab.
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to a picture of Einstein]

Commercial

[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey walks up.]
JOEY: Phoebe here with the cab yet?
CHANDLER: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab. . . hop in.
JOEY: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.
CHANDLER: Hey, don't worry. I figure it'll be 2 hours to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll meet, they'll chat, they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.
[Phoebe drives up in the cab]
JOEY: Hey, here she comes.
Chandler: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
PHOEBE: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
PHOEBE: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.
CHANDLER: Eeeshk.
JOEY: Yeah, big stuff.
PHOEBE: OK, let's go.
CHANDLER: OK.
PHOEBE: Alright, here, you have to hold this. [hands Chandler a piece of paper]
CHANDLER: OK. [reads paper] Brake left, gas right?
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, yeah, that's my cheat sheet.
CHANDLER: [grabs for seat belt] Where's my seat belt?
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
CHANDLER: [Chandler gets in the back seat] Hey!
JOEY: Hey. [Phoebe takes off, Joey and Chandler are thrown back in the seat]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is preparing for the party with Ross questioning her.]
ROSS: C'mon, just tell me, please, please.
MONICA: For the sixteenth time, no... I do not think you're obsessive.
[Rachel enters from her room]
RACHEL: Oh, gosh, it's hot in here.
MONICA: Rach, get the heat. [Rachel holds up her hand with wet fingernail polish] Ross, could you turn the heat down please?
ROSS: Sure. By the way, there's a difference between being obsessive and. . .
MONICA: Ross, the heat!
ROSS: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the obsessive one. [goes to the radiator and starts turning the knob] OK, this way is on, so this is. . . [breaks off the knob] off.
RACHEL: Did you just break the radiator?
ROSS: No, no, I was turnin' the knob and, and. . . here it is.
MONICA: Well put it back.
ROSS: It uhh, it won't go back.
RACHEL: I'll call the super.
MONICA: Here, let me try.
ROSS: Oh, oh that's right, I forgot about your ability to fuse metal.
MONICA: Hey, it's Funny's cousin, Not Funny.
RACHEL: [on phone] Hi, Mr. Treeger. Hi, it's Rachel Green from upstairs. Yes, somebody, uh, broke our knob on the radiator and it's really hot in here. Yes, it's, it's hot enough to bake cookies. Well, do you think we could have a new one by 6? Wha t, no, no, Tuesday, we can't wait until Tuesday, we're having a party tonight.
ROSS: OK, tip the man.
MONICA: No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too bad, I am not gonna be blackmailed. Look if worse comes to worse, it gets a little warm, we'll call it a theme party.
ROSS: Hey, here's a theme: Come on in, live like bacon.
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. The cab pulls up.]
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
CHANDLER: Oh, so that's what this is for.
PHOEBE: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.
CHANDLER: Yeah.
JOEY: Sure is.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. I'm goin' in.
CHANDLER: Alright.
JOEY: Good luck Phoebs.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. . . here I go. . . I'm goin'. [she just sits in the cab]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are having their party. All the guests are stripped down because of the heat.]
RACHEL: [answers door] Hi, welcome to our tropical Christmas party. You can put your coats and sweaters and pants and shirts in the bedroom.
ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that be too much?
MONICA: [carrying an ice cube tray] Ice, ice, ice squares anyone? Take a napkin. Alright.
ROSS: Monica, Monica, your guest are turning into jerky, OK.
MONICA: Really? I'm perfectly comfortable. [one of the guest opens the refrigerator] Hey, hey, hey, get in line buddy, I was next. [she opens the refrigerator and leans into it]
RACHEL: [answering the door] Mr. Treeger.
MR. TREEGER: Uhh, you said there was a party.
RACHEL: Oh, yeah, well hey, welcome to our sauna.
MR. TREEGER: Ahh, is it hot? My body always stays cool, probably 'cause I have so much skin. Hey, cheese!
[Ross is speaking to Monica and Rachel about tipping the super.]

ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything.
MONICA: No, I will not cave.
RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon.
ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas.
[Gives him the cash.]

MR. TREEGER: Oh wow, I didn't get you anything. Here's five back.
ROSS: No no, no, that, that's your Christmas tip, alright. Oh, hey, do you think there's a chance you could fix that radiator now?
MR. TREEGER: No can do, like I told the girl, I can't get a new knob until Thursday.
MONICA: Ross.
ROSS: Yeah.
MONICA: [to Ross] Looks like he's playin' baseball.
ROSS: You mean hardball?
MONICA: Whatever.
RACHEL: What'cha gonna' do?
ROSS: Excuse me, I'm seizing. Mr. Treeger, here's another 50, happy Hanukkah. Will uh, will this help with the knob getting?
MR. TREEGER: No, the place is not open 'till Tuesday. Am I not saying it right.
MONICA: So, wait, you really did like my cookies?
MR. TREEGER: Oh, yeah, they were so personal, really showed you cared.
RACHEL: Nice seizing. . . gel boy.
MR. TREEGER: [to Rachel who is standing under mistletoe] So, uh, is this, uh, mistletoe?
RACHEL: Huh-huh, no act--no, uhh, that, that is basil.
MR. TREEGER: Ahh, if it was mistletoe, I was gonna kiss ya.
RACHEL: Huh-hoo, yeah, no, it's still basil.
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is running back to the cab.]
PHOEBE: OK.
JOEY: How far'd ya get?
PHOEBE: Mailbox.
CHANDLER: Alright, we're gettin' closer.
PHOEBE: Uh-huh.
JOEY: Phoebs, what's goin' on?
PHOEBE: No, it's just like, ya know, it's a whole mess of stuff, ya know. It's like, yesterday, ya know, my dad was this, like, famous Burma tree surgeon guy and, ya know, now he's a, a pharmacist guy and. . .
JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.
PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.
CHANDLER: Well, so why not go knock?
PHOEBE: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's not this great dad guy? I mean, what if, what if he's just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us? You know what? I've already lost a fake dad this week and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.
JOEY: Phoebs, that's OK. You took a big step today.
PHOEBE: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Yeah, and someday when you're ready, you'll make it past the hedges.
JOEY: Yeah, and when you do, he'll be lucky to have you.
PHOEBE: You guys. I'm sorry about your shopping.
CHANDLER: Oh, that's OK, we'll figure something out.
JOEY: Uh, listen Phoebs, I know you're not goin' in there but do you think it'd be alright if I went in and used his bathroom? Oh, that's fine, never mind. Cool, snow, kinda like a blank canvas.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around after the party. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter.]
CHANDLER: Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!
JOEY: Really, hey, you mind if I turn the heat down?
MONICA: Hey, we could have used that kind of thinkin' earlier.
ROSS: Hey, Phoebs, how'd it go.
PHOEBE: Oh, I couldn't go in.
MONICA: Honey, I'm sorry.
ROSS: Are you OK?
PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah, no it's OK 'cause, I mean, I know he's there, so, that's enough for now.
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug, Monica and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]
JOEY: Hey, Monica, the knob was broken so I just turned it off from underneath, I hope that's alright.
CLOSING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
JOEY: Rach, these are for you.
RACHEL: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.
JOEY: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.
CHANDLER: OK, Phoebs, your turn.
PHOEBE: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
JOEY: Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: You guuuyys.
JOEY: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.
ROSS: You got me a cola drink?
CHANDLER: And, a lemon lime.
ROSS: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater.
CHANDLER: And last but not least.
[Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.]

JOEY: They're ribbed for your pleasure.
[Ross and Monica trade their gifts.]

END

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 8 영어 대본 /  208. The One With the List

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there, discussing the night before.]

RACH: Ross kissed me.

MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

RACH: It was unbelievable!

MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

PHOE: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?

RACH: Oh, it ended very well.

PHOE: Oh.

MNCA: [getting the wine] Do not start without me. Do not start without me.

PHOE: Ok, all right, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like, was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a, you know, a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?

RACH: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

PHOE: Ok, so, ok, was he holding you? Or was his hand like on your back?

RACH: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair.

PHOE/MNCA: Ohhhh.

[Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross, Chandler, and Joey are there eating pizza.]

ROSS: And, uh, and then I kissed her.

JOEY: Tongue?

ROSS: Yeah.

JOEY: Cool.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]

CHAN: All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of ram. 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 b.p.s.

PHOE: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?

CHAN: [doggedly] Games and stuff.

MNCA: [reading the paper] There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.

JOEY: [reading over her shoulder] Wait, here's one. Uh, would you be willing to cook naked?

MNCA: There's an ad for a naked chef?

JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his fingers together]

[Ross enters, distraught.]

ROSS: Hi.

PHOE: Hey, oh, so, um...how'd you make out last night?

ROSS: That, that is funny. That is painfully funny. No, wait. Wait, yeah, that's just painful

MNCA: Wait a minute. I thought last night was great.

ROSS: Yeah, it was, but...I get home, ok, and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my god, what the hell am I doing? I mean, here I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am I just gonna throw all that away?

JOEY: You got all that from saline solution?

MNCA: We are talking about Rachel here. You and Rachel.

ROSS: Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for ten years now. But now, I'm with Julie, so it's like me and Julie, me and Rachel, me and Julie, me and... [Rachel enters, carrying a tray]... Rachel. Rachel, Rachel.

RACH: [to Ross] Hey, you.

ROSS: How are you?

RACH: Good. How are you?

ROSS: Good.

[Julie enters.]

JULIE: Hi, honey.

ROSS: Hi, Julie. [nervous] Hi, Julie. Julie, um, how are you?

JULIE: Good.

ROSS: [uncomfortable] Good, so everybody's here. Everybody's good. So, were you gonna play something, Phoebe?

PHOE: Oh, well, actually.

ROSS: [impatient] Play it.

PHOE: Ok, all right.

JOEY: Hey, Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses.

JULIE: What?

ROSS: [to Joey] Ssshh.

PHOE: Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um, this is a song about a love triangle between three people that I made up. Um, it's called, um, "Two of Them Kissed Last Night".

[Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.]

PHOE: [singing] There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, and a guy let's call him Neil. Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real. Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside. Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call Ju...Loolie? He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up, he must decide!

[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's (RTST) office. Monica is there about a job.]

RTST: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy impressivo.

MNCA: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? The ad wasn't too clear.

RTST: Mockolate.

MNCA: I'm sorry?

RTST: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute.

MNCA: Ohh.

[He pulls out a piece of Mockolate.]

RTST: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate.

MNCA: All right. Mmm-mmm.

[She tastes it, and obviously hates it.]

RTST: Yeah?

MNCA: [disgusted, trying not to show it] I love how it crumbles. Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that.

RTST: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting our F.D.A. approval any day now, hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates most of your major food-preparation holidays: Easter, Christmas, what have you.

MNCA: [still chewing] Mmm-mmm.

RTST: But, we're thinking, given the right marketing, we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.

MNCA: Wow.

RTST: Aren't you going to swallow that?

MNCA: Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.

RTST: Yeah, isn't that great?

MNCA: [with false enthusiasm] Mmm.

RTST: Well, anyhoo, um, we are looking for a couple of chefs who can create some Thanksgiving-themed recipes. You think you might be interested?

MNCA: Abso...[swallows hard]...lutely. See, I love creating new recipes. I love Thanksgiving. And, well, now, I love Mockolate.

RTST: Really?

MNCA: Especially the after taste, you know, I'll tell ya, that'll last ya till Christmas.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate recipes to Phoebe.]

MNCA: How about Mockolate mousse?

PHOE: It's not, it's not very Thanksgiving-y.

MNCA: Ok, how about pilgrim Mockolate mousse?

PHOE: What makes it pilgrim?

MNCA: We'll put buckles on it.

[Rachel enters.]

RACH: Hey.

PHOE: Hey.

MNCA: Hey.

RACH: Did uh, Ross call?

MNCA: No, I'm sorry.

RACH: Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie, isn't he? He's gonna stay with her and she's going to be all, "Hi, I'm Julie, Ross picked me, and we're gonna to get married, have a lot of kids and dig up stuff together."

PHOE: No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.]

ROSS: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.

CHAN: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight.

JOEY: Hey, here's a thought, Ross. [reaches for the computer]

CHAN: Don't touch the computer. Don't ever touch the computer.

JOEY: Ross, listen. I got two words for you. Threesome.

[Ross gives him an insulted look.]

CHAN: Ok, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, ok? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.

ROSS: Can't we just use a pen?

CHAN: No, Amish boy.

JOEY: Ok, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. All right, Rachel first.

ROSS: I don't know. I mean, all right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes.

JOEY: You could say that.

ROSS: And I guess, you know, sometimes, she's a little ditzy, you know. And I've seen her be a little too into her looks. Oh, and Julie and I, we have a lot in common 'cause we're both paleontologists, but Rachel's just a waitress.

CHAN: Waitress. Got it. You guys wanna play Doom? Or we could keep doing this. What else?

ROSS: I don't know.

JOEY: Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.

CHAN: Ok, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?

ROSS: [long pause] She's not Rachel.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica has made food for Phoebe and Rachel to taste.]

MNCA: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians served.

[Rachel takes a bite.]

RACH: Oh my god.

MNCA: Oh my god good?

RACH: Oh my god, I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth.

[Rachel runs to the sink to spit it out.]

PHOE: Oh, oh sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like!

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]

CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?

[Ross enters with a melancholy look.]

JOEY: [to Ross] Hey, so how'd it go with Julie? Did you, did you break her heart?

ROSS: Yes, it was horrible. She cried. I cried. She threw things, they hit me. Anyway, I did the right thing.

CHAN: [in phone] So, Spock actually hugs his father?

[Rachel enters.]

RACH: Hey, do you guys have...[sees Ross, pauses]...hi.

ROSS: Hi.

RACH: [sees his coat on] Where you goin'?

ROSS: I uh, I just got back from uh, from Julie's.

RACH: [dejected] Oh.

ROSS: No, no, uh, it's not what you think. It's um the other thing.

RACH: Well, what's the other thing, what do I think?

[Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing his head towards Ross.]

ROSS: Well, uh.

JOEY: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.

RACH: Really?

ROSS: Really. It's always been you, Rach.

[Ross and Rachel hug.]

RACH: Oh, god.

JOEY/CHAN: Ohhh.

RACH: Oh, oh, this is good, this is really good.

ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them?

RACH: Let me get my coat.

ROSS: Ok. No, hey, whoa, whoa, I'll get your coat.

[Ross leaves.]

RACH: Ok, he's goin' to get my coat. He's goin' to get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. [notices Chandler's computer screen] What's that?

CHAN: [nervous] What? Nothing.

[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.]

RACH: What's that? What? I saw my name. What is it?

CHAN: No, no, see? See? [the printer starts to run] Hey, it's printing. [to Joey, rattled] Hey, it's printing!

[Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the printer.]

RACH: Well what is it? Let me see.

[Ross walks back in, Rachel's coat in hand.]

ROSS: Hey, someone order a coat?

RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.

ROSS: He won't? [remembers what it is] He won't! Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story you were writing?

CHAN: Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was writing.

RACH: And I'm in it? Then let me read it.

CHAN, JOEY, ROSS: No!

RACH: Come on.

JOEY: Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?

[Ross and Chandler stare angrily at Joey, who thinks he has come up with a good idea.]

CHAN: [through gritted teeth] Alright. [clears his throat] "It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end."

ROSS: That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the whole world.

RACH: All right, you know what? This isn't funny anymore. There's something about me on that piece of paper and I want to see it.

ROSS: No, you don't.

RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]

RACH: What is this? Ross, what is this?

CHAN: Good luck.

[Chandler and Joey leave quickly.]

ROSS: Ok, just, just remember how crazy I am about you, ok?

RACH: Kind of ditzy? Too into her looks? Spoiled?

ROSS: Now that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little", the idiot.

RACH: Just a waitress?

ROSS: No, that, that was, I mean, as opposed to uh, the uh, ok. Is this over yet Rach?

RACH: Oh! I do not have chubby ankles!

[Rachel leaves, and Ross follows her into the hall.]

ROSS: No, no, wait, ok, ok, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column.

RACH: She is not Rachem. What the hell's a Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress.

[She goes into her apartment and slams the door.]

ROSS: No, Rach, come on. Rach! Rach, no, no! She's not Rachel, she is, she is not, Ra--Rachel?

[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]

CHAN: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary, she never would have made me read her my diary.

MNCA: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.

PHOE: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus.

JOEY: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.

PHOE: What?

MNCA: What?

CHAN: Oh good, I was hoping that would come up.

MNCA: This was your idea?

PHOE: What were you thinking?

CHAN: [squirming] All right, let's get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.

MNCA: Yeah. You!

CHAN: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe in that karma crap, don't you?

PHOE: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, eating candy. It is raining out. Ross climbs up the fire escape and is knocking on the window.]

ROSS: Rach! Whoops! Rach, hey, open up, please!

RACH: [coldly] When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb up the fire escape.

ROSS: I just wanna read something. It's your pro list.

RACH: Not interested.

[Rachel closes the drapes over the window, goes into her bedroom and closes the door.]

ROSS: [reading his list] Ok, ok, number one: The way you cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben.

[Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter, confused.]

ROSS: Number six: the way you smell.

JOEY: [opens the drapes] Hey, Ross! What are you doin'?

ROSS: Hey, Joey. You wanna open the window?

JOEY: Oh, yeah, I do.

[He opens the window, Ross comes in, soaked.]

CHAN: What are you doing out there?

ROSS: I am, uh, I am...

MNCA: Oh, you must be freezing. You know what you need? How about a nice steaming cup of hot Mockolate?

[Ross runs to Rachel's bedroom, knocking on the door.]

ROSS: Rach, come on, open up. Rach, come on, come on, Rach. You got to give me another chance.

[Rachel opens the door.]

RACH: No.

ROSS: No?

RACH: That's what I said.

CHAN: Look, maybe we should go?

RACH: No, you guys, you really don't have to go, we're done talking.

ROSS: Rach, come on, look, I know how you must feel.

RACH: [near tears] No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.

ROSS: No, but, but I wanna be with you in spite of all those things.

RACH: Oh, well, that's, that's mighty big of you, Ross. [to the others] I said don't go!

ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you.

RACH: Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list.

[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]

JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little longer.

[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.]

MNCA: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of mockolate.

RTST: Doesn't matter.

MNCA: What?

RTST: Our FDA approval didn't come through. Something about laboratory rats.

MNCA: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.

RTST: Yeah, well, anyhoo, here is your check. [hands it to her] Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?

MNCA: Well, uh, I ate some.

RTST: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are there.]

(phone rings)

MNCA: Hello?

[Ross is at his apartment.]

ROSS: Hi.

RACH: [to Monica] Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down.

MNCA: [to Ross] Listen, I... I don't think this is the best time.

ROSS: Look, can, can you do something for me?

MNCA: Sure, what? Ok, ok. [hangs up the phone] [to Rachel] Music?

[Monica turns on the radio.]

RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)

[Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his apartment.]

RADIO: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore. Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out.

[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.]

RTST: Hi, thanks for coming in again.

MNCA: Oh, not at all. I have no morals and I need the cash.

RTST: It's like I'm lookin' in a mirror. Anyway, they're called "fishtachios". They taste exactly like pistachios, but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you?

MNCA: Cat hair.

RTST: Oh, sorry.

END

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 7 영어 대본 /  207. The One Where Ross Finds Out

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
CHAN: OK, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something. . . repellant. . . about me?
RACH: So, how was the party?
CHAN: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
PHOE: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everyting.
CHAN: Woah, woah, I've put on a little weight?
PHOE: No, not wieght... y'know, more like insulation.
MNCA: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you.
CHAN: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.
MNCA: Please.
ALL: C'mon. Let her. Yeah.
CHAN: Alright, OK, alright. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home.
PHOE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is there.]
CHAN: OK, let's do it. [Monica looks at him funny] What?
MNCA: Nothing, just never seen you in little stretchy pants before.
CHAN: And we're changing. [jogs back in his apartment]
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Back in Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is doing situps.]
MNCA: C'mon give me five more. Five more.
CHAN: [weakly] No.
MNCA: Five more and I'll flash you.
CHAN: One. . . two. . . two and a half. OK, just show me one of them.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
[Phoebe enters.]
RACH: Hey Phoebs, how'd it go with Scott last night?
PHOE: Oh, um, it was nice. Took him to a romantic restraunt, ordered champagne, nice.
JOEY: The guy still won't put out, huh?
PHOE: Nope. Zilch, nothin', uh-uh.
ALL: Sorry Phoebs.
PHOE: Look, I, y'know, I don't mind taking it slow, I like him a lot, y'know he's really interesting and he's really sweet and why won't he give it up?
JOEY: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.
PHOE: No, whad'ya mean? He's not British.
JOEY: Maybe he's. . . gay.
PHOE: Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like... definitely felt something.
RACH: Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look?
PHOE: No, I felt it on my hip. You could tell.
[Monica enters.]
MNCA: [to Chandler] Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15 minutes.
CHAN: Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it.
PHOE: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.
RACH: What? [looks, feigns indifference] C'mon you guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight.
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?
RACH: Yeah, Monica's settin' me up.
JOEY: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?
RACH: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.
CHAN: So you really OK about all this?
RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
[Ross and Julie enter.]
ROSS: Hi guys.
ALL: Hey.
ROSS: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, OK?
MNCA: Only if you say his full name.
ROSS: [reluctantly] Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toy.
MNCA: Alright.
JOEY: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
ROSS: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
RACH: Together?
ROSS: Uh huh.
RACH: Both of you?
ROSS: Yep.
RACH: Together.
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.
RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
ROSS: Hopefully.
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Rachel is on her date with Michael (MICH).]
MICH: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a little nervous, I am.
RACH: [distracted] How long do cats live?
MICH: [confused] I'm sorry?
RACH: Cats, how long do they live figuring you don't... y'know, throw 'em under a bus or something?
MICH: Um, maybe 15, 16 years.
RACH: That's just great. [she picks up her champagne and starts drinking]
MICH: Um, cheers.
RACH: Oh, right, clink. [downs her glass]
MICH: Monica told you I was cuter that this, didn't she?
RACH: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
MICH: Oh, that does sound. . .Ahh.
RACH: I mean he just started going out with her.
MICH: Is this guy, uhh, an old boyfriend?
RACH: Ah, hah-hah-hah-ho, yeah, he wishes. Oh, I'm sorry, look at me. OK, Michael, let's talk about you.
MICH: Alright.
RACH: OK, OK. So, you ever get a pet with a girlfriend?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
PHOE: So, I figured it out.
JOEY: What?
PHOE: Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. It's 'cause I'm not sexy enough.
JOEY: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
PHOE: Really? That's so sweet. I mean, I'm officially offended but, sweet.
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
PHOE: You're right, you're right. Ah, you are so yumm. [they hug]
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
[Scene: Back in the restraunt. Rachel pours the last of the champange bottle in her glass.]
RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
MICH: Fruitflies?
RACH: Yes! Thank you.
[The waiter comes to the table.]
WAITER: So, would you like any dessert?
MICH: No! No dessert, just a check, please.
RACH: Oh, you're not having fun, are you?
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
MICH: Oy. Look, I've been through a divorce, trust me you're gonna be fine. You just can't see it now because you haven't had any closure.
RACH: Yeah! Closure. That's what it is, that's what I need. God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?
MICH: Well, you know, there's no one way really, it's just, you know, whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him, "I'm over you."
RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
GUY: Hang on.
RACH: Hello, excuse me.
GUY: What.
RACH: Hi, I'm sorry, I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
GUY: I'm talkin'!
RACH: I can see that. I... just one phone call, I'll be very quick, I'll even pay for it myself. [man is still reluctant] OK, you're bein' a little weird about your phone.
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
MICH: Good.
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.]
CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday.
MNCA: Why not?
CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day.
MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop.
CHAN: OK, stop.
MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.]
ROSS: Hey Rach.
RACH: Ahhhh.
ROSS: Oh. And how was the date?
RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . .
[Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]

ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that?
RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember.
ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy]
RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me?
ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night.
RACH: Huh.
ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages?
RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.]
ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael?
[Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]

RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
ROSS: You're over me?
RACH: Ohhhhhhhh God. [climbs off his back]
ROSS: Wha... you're uh, you're, you're over me?
RACH: Ohh, ohh.
ROSS: When, when were you... under me? Rach. Rachel do you, I mean, were you, uh. . . What?
RACH: Ohh, OK, OK, OK, well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you.
ROSS: You've had feelings for me?
RACH: Yeah, what, so? You had feelings for me first.
ROSS: Woah. Huh. You know about my, I mean, you know I had... you know?
RACH: Chandler told me.
ROSS: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did he?
RACH: When you were in China.
ROSS: China.
RACH: Meeting Julie.
ROSS: Julie. Julie. That. Oh God. Julie, right. OK, I need to lie down. No, ya know, I'm gonna stand. I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna walk, I'm walkin' and I am standing. OK so you uh, and now wha... and now, now, now you're over me?
RACH: Are you over me?
[A moment of silence.]
ROSS: [doorbell buzzes] That's, that's Julie. Ju... Julie, Julie. [talks on intercom] Hi Julie.
JULIE: [over intercom] Hi honey, I've got a cab waiting.
ROSS: [perky] I'll be right down.
RACH: Wait, so, you're going?
ROSS: Well, OK, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat.
RACH: OK, OK.
ROSS: Cat. [leaves]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is watching a rabbi play an electric guitar on TV. Phoebe enters.]
PHOE: Hey Joey.
JOEY: Hey Phoebs.
PHOE: How come you're watching a rabbi play electric guitar?
JOEY: I can't find the remote. [Phoebe turns off the TV] Thank you.
PHOE: So, Scott asked me to come over for lunch today and I did.
JOEY: And?
PHOE: And we did.
JOEY: All right Phoebs, way to go.
PHOE: Yay me.
JOEY: So, so how did it happen?
PHOE: Well, I finally took your advice and asked him what was going on.
JOEY: And what did he say?
PHOE: He said that, um, he understands how sex can be like, a very emotional thing for a woman and he was just afraid that I was gonna get all, y'know, like, 'ohh, is he gonna call me the next day' and, y'know, 'where is this going' and, ya know, blah-la-la-la-la. So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious.
JOEY: Wow.
PHOE: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of talking. . . I convinced him.
JOEY: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.
PHOE: Um-hum.
JOEY: This man is my God.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing up and Ross comes in. Get your Kleenex.]
RACH: Hi.
ROSS: I didn't get a cat.
RACH: Oh, that's um, interesting.
ROSS: No, no it's not interesting. OK, it's very, very not interesting. In fact it's actually 100 percent completely opposite of interesting.
RACH: Alright, I got it Ross.
ROSS: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.
RACH: [hurt] What?
ROSS: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.
RACH: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
ROSS: Then you should have said something before I met her.
RACH: I didn't know then. And how come you never said anything to me.
ROSS: There was never a good time.
RACH: Right, you, you only had a year. We only hung out every night.
ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.
RACH: Hey, there was one Italian guy, OK, and do you even have a point?
ROSS: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
RACH: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.
ROSS: Fine.
RACH: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship.
ROSS: Good.
RACH: Good. [Ross leaves]

[Rachel gets up and opens the door, yelling after him.]

RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure.
[Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.]
ROSS: Try the bottom one.
[She opens the door and they kiss.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler answers the door to find Monica.]
CLOSING CREDITS
CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over.
MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'.
CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret.
MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What?
CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have.
MNCA: Well, thanks.
CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.
MNCA: Well, you know.
CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed.
MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh.
CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.
MNCA: Well no, but um.
CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all.
MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . .
CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run?
MNCA: Alright.
CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here.
MNCA: OK. Just for a little while.
CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances into his room]

END

미국 드라마 (미드) 프렌즈 시즌 2 에피소드 6 영어 대본 /  206. The One With the Baby on the Bus

[Scene: At Monica and Rachel's.]
MONICA: Who da wenny-Benny boy? You the Wenny-wenny-Benny-Benny boy, yes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Why is he still crying?
ROSS: Let me hold him for a sec. There. (Ben stops crying) Huh? There we are.
MONICA: Maye it's me.
ROSS: Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants.
CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.
ROSS: There we go. All better. (gives Ben back to Monica)
MONICA: There's my little boy. (Ben starts crying again)
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
JOEY: Cool.
MONICA: He hates me. My nephew hates me.
ROSS: Come on, don't do this.
MONICA: What if my own baby hates me? Huh? What am I gonna do then?
CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)
JOEY: Goo, goo, goo, waaah!
MONICA: That is so funny. Let me see that. (throws the ball out the window)
JOEY: Are you ok, Ross?
ROSS: I don't know. What's in this pie?
MONICA: Uh, I don't know, butter, eggs, flour, lime, kiwi--
ROSS: Kiwi? Kiwi? I thought it was a key lime pie.
MONICA: No I didn't, I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.
ROSS: And that's what's gonna kill me. I'm allergic to kiwi.
MONICA: No you're not. You're, you're allergic to lobster and peanuts and--oh my god.
ROSS: Ugh.
MONICA: Oh my god.
ROSS: Ugh. It's definitely getting worse.
MONICA: Is your tongue swelling up?
ROSS: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller.
MONICA: All right, get your coat, we're going to the hospital.
JOEY: Is he gonna be ok?
MONICA: Yeah, he's just gotta get a shot.
ROSS: You know, you know, actually it's getting better. It is. It is. Let's not go. Anyone for Thcrabble?
MONICA: Jacket now.
ROSS: What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to a hospital.
CHANDLER: We'll watch him.
ROSS: I don't think tho.
JOEY: What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it, don't we?
CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.
ROSS: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.
JOEY: Hat, milk, got it.
ROSS: ??? (speech garbled) Thro up a thro thro--a thro thro!
JOEY: Consider it done.
CHANDLER: You understood that?
JOEY: Yeah, my uncle Sal has a really big tongue.
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
(Central Perk)
PHOEBE: Hey Rach, wanna hear the new song I'm thinkin' of singing this afternoon? I wrote it this morning in the shower.
RACHEL: Ok.
PHOEBE: (singing) I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song. Stop me if you've heard it. My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
TERRY: Uh, Rachel, sweetheart, could I see ya for a minute?
RACHEL: What's up?
TERRY: F.Y.I.. I've decided to pay a professional musician to play in here on Sunday afternoons. Her name is Stephanie... something. She's supposed to be very good.
RACHEL: But what about Phoebe?
TERRY: Rachel, it's not that your friend is bad, it's that she's so bad, she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, so you're not a fan, but I mean, come on, you cannot do this to her.
TERRY: Uh--
RACHEL: Oh, no no no no. Oh no no no no. I have to do this to her?
PHOEBE: (singing) Lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, as needed.
(Chandler and Joey are loaded down with baby stuff, and Ben)
CHANDLER: You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?
JOEY: It's gonna be worth it. It's a known fact that women love babies, all righ? Women love guys who love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim him at that pack o' babes over there. Maybe one of them will break away. No, no wait, for get them, we got one, hard left. All right, gimme the baby.
CHANDLER: No, I got him.
JOEY: No, seriously.
CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?
CAROLINE: Hello.
BOYS: Hello.
CAROLINE: And who is this little cutie pie?
CHANDLER: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?
JOEY: You wanna smell him?
CAROLINE: I assume we're talking about the baby now.
JOEY: Oh, yeah. He's got that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head.
CAROLINE: I think my uterus just skipped a beat.
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
CAROLINE: I think it's great you guys are doing this.
CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.
CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?
(Central Perk)
PHOEBE: But, but this is my gig. This is where I play. My, my name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk.
RACHEL: Honey, I'm sorry.
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
RACHEL: Terry is a jerk, ok? That's why we're always saying "Terry's a jerk!" That's where that came from.
PHOEBE: Yeah, ok. You probably did everything you could.
RACHEL: Ok, you know what, lemme, let me just see what else I can do. All right, look, look. Why don't you just let her go on after Stephanie whatever-her-name-is. I mean, you won't even be here. You don't pay her. It's not gonna cost you anything.
TERRY: I, I don't know.
RACHEL: Come on, Terry, I'll even clean the cappuccino machine.
TERRY: You don't clean the cappuccino machine?
RACHEL: Of course I clean it. I mean, I,I will cleeeean it. I mean, I will cleeeean it.
TERRY: Oh, all right, fine, fine, fine.
RACHEL: Done.
PHOEBE: Really?
RACHEL: Yeah. Who's workin' for you babe?
PHOEBE: Oh! Oh my god. This is so exciting. How much am I gonna get?
RACHEL: What?
PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.
RACHEL: Oh, no, no no. I meant that he's gonna be paying that other woman beause she's a professional.
PHOEBE: Well, I'm not gonna be the only one who's not getting paid.
RACHEL: Well, but Pheebs.
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
ROSS: Well, there's no way I'm gonna get a shot. Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it into my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun.
DOCTOR: Hello, there. I'm Dr. Carlin. I see someone's having an allergic reaction.
MONICA: Doctor, can I see you for just a minute please? My brother has a slight phobia about needles.
ROSS: Did you tell him about my thquirt gun idea?
MONICA: My brother, the PhD would like to know if there's any way to treat this orally.
DOCTOR: No, under these circumstances it has to be an injection, and it has to be now.
ROSS: Tho?
(Monica shakes her head.)
ROSS: Ohhh.
MONICA: That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?
ROSS: Ok.
MONICA: Ok. Oh boy. You are doin' so good. You wanna squeeze my hand? All right, Ross, don't squeeze it so hard. Honey, really, don't squeeze it so hard! Oh, Ross! Let go of my hand!
CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!
JOEY: Hey, hey, look at that talent.
CHANDLER: (to taxi driver) Just practicing. You're good. Carry on.
GIRL 1 ON BUS: Hey, you. He's just adorable.
CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.
GIRL 2 ON BUS: So what are you guys out doing today?
JOEY: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.
CHANDLER: You done?
JOEY: Yeah.
GIRL 1: Oh, there's our stop.
JOEY: Get outta here. This is our stop too.
GIRL 2: You guys live around here too?
JOEY: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the uh sidewalk.
CHANDLER: You know it?
JOEY: Hey, look, since we're neighbors and all, what do you say we uh, get together for a drink?
GIRL 1: So uh, you wanna go to Marquel's?
CHANDLER: Oh, sure, they love us over there.
GIRL 2: Where's your baby?
CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben!
CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.
BOTH: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait!
MONICA: Are you sure he didn't break it because it really hurts.
DOCTOR: No, it's just a good bone bruise. And, right here is the puncture wound from your ring.
ROSS: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry. Sorry! Hey! Hey! I got my s's back! Which we can celebrate later. Celebrate.
PHOEBE: (singing) ... with the double double double-jointed boy. Hey. So um, are you the professional guitar player?
STEPHANIE: Yeah. I'm Stephanie.
PHOEBE: Right. My name was on there, but now it just says "carrot cake". So, um, so um, how many chords do you know?
STEPHANIE: All of them.
PHOEBE: Oh yeah, so you know D?
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
PHOEBE: Ok, do you know A minor?
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
PHOEBE: Ok, do you know how to go from D to A minor?
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
PHOEBE: Ok. Um, so does your guitar have a strap?
STEPHANIE: No.
PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all the chords. (makes a face)
CHANDLER: (on pay phone) Come on, pick up, pick up! Hello? Transit Authority? Yes, hello. I'm doing research for a book, and I was wondering what someone might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes I do realize that would be a very stupid charact er.
JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.
RACHEL: Ok, everybody, let's give a uh nice warm Central Perk welcome to--
PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!
RACHEL: Uh, to Stephanie Schiffer.
STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.
PHOEBE: (singing/screaming) You're all invited to bite me!
CHANDLER AND JOEY: Hi. We're the guys who called about the baby. We left the baby on ths bus. Is he here? Is he here?
TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you is the father.
CHANDLER: That's me.
JOEY: I'm him.
CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)
BOTH (but to different babies): Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy!
CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.
JOEY: Well, well that one has ducks on his t-shirt, and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.
CHANDLER: Ok.
JOEY: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.
CHANDLER: Yeah?
JOEY: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
JOEY: Ahh!
CHANDLER: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?
JOEY: Uh, uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns.
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
JOEY: You got a better idea?
CHANDLER: All right, call it in the air.
JOEY: Heads.
CHANDLER: Heads it is.
JOEY: Yes! Whew!
CHANDLER: We have to assign heads to something.
JOEY: Right. Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
CHANDLER: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
(on the sidewalk outside Central Perk)
RACHEL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Oh, hi.
RACHEL: Here. I thought you might be cold.
PHOEBE: Thank you.
RACHEL: Whoa, look at you, you did pretty well.
PHOEBE: Eight dollars and 27 cents. But not really, 'cause I put in the first two, just to, you know, get the ball rolling, and to make myself feel better.
RACHEL: Do you?
PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.
RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
RACHEL: Well, people missed you in there. And in fact, there was actually a request for "Smelly Cat".
PHOEBE: Really? From who?
RACHEL: Well, from me. And I know it's not your big money song, but it's my favorite.
KID: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.
PHOEBE: Yeah. Here you go.
KID: Thanks a lot. Hey Christine, I got it!
(chez Monica and Rachel)
ROSS: I just wanna thank you for being there for me today. And I'm sorry I,I almost broke your hand.
MONICA: That's ok. I'm sorry I poisoned you.
ROSS: Yeah. Hey, remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?
MONICA: Remember it? What do you think this is, a freckle?
ROSS: Oh.
MONICA: Wait, what about the time I hit you in the face with the Silvian's pumpkin?
ROSS: Oh, man. Oh, remember when I stuck that broom in your bike spokes, and you flipped over and hit your head on the curb?
MONICA: No. But I remember people telling me about it.
ROSS: I hope Ben has a little sister.
MONICA: Yeah. I hope she can kick his ass.
ROSS: I'm gonna get a new band-aid. Hey, how 'bout the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?
MONICA: That was you?
ROSS: They, uh, were infected. He wouldn't have made it.
MONICA: Aw, my little nephew. Come here, little one. There's my little baby Ben. Hey, my little boy. Hey, he's not crying.
CHANDLER: (looking fearfully at Joey) Hey, he's not crying.
(Ben starts crying)
JOEY: Yes! There's still pie.
ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?
JOEY: Oh, yeah, he rode the bus today.
ROSS: Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus--Hey, I have a question. How come it says Property of Human Services on his butt?
CHANDLER: You, you are gonna love this.
ROSS: Will you hold Ben for a sec? Come here. Come here.
CHANDLER: Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, Run!
STEPHANIE: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
PHOEBE: No, no, no. I'm sorry. It's "smelly cat, smel-ly cat".
STEPHANIE: Smelly cat, smel-ly cat...
PHOEBE: Better. Yeah.
STEPHANIE: Yeah?
PHOEBE: Yeah, much better. And you know what, don't feel bad, because it's a hard song.
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
PHOEBE: You wanna try it again?
STEPHANIE: Yeah. From the top?
PHOEBE: Ok, there is no top. That's the beauty of Smelly Cat. Um, why don't you just follow me?
STEPHANIE: Ok.
PHOEBE: Mmmm hmmm.
TOGETHER: Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.
PHOEBE: That's too much. Sorry.

END